Broken...

I read a description the other day of a coffee cup that looks beautiful and whole and flawless, but when hot coffee was poured into the cup, it shattered. That's how I feel these days. I smile. I laugh, sometimes a little too loud, because if I'm laughing, I'm not crying.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop alone, because I needed a break and I am struggling to hold in tears, because I'm alone! It's crazy! I told my doctor that I'm depressed & she said "You don't looked depressed!". She said I was smiling, laughing and joking. Have you ever heard "Fake it till you make it?". That's what I was taught growing up. I was told that other people have it much worse than I do. That is very true, but when did life become a scorecard? I don't believe that is how life is meant to be lived. Keeping score. What a joke!

What are your thoughts on keeping score of the good & bad that life brings your way?

My gifts:

21. A beautiful 16 month old baby girl that just started telling me "I love you!".

22. A 13 year old boy that still thinks its cool to hug his momma.

23. An 11 year old girl that comes to me about everything.

24. A 4 year old girl that is full of hugs & energy.

25. A hubby that let me escape to the coffee shop for some alone time.

26. That same hubby cooking supper while I am gone.

27. An iced snickers coffee with whipped cream and chocolate toppings.

28. A nice, big, comfy chair to relax in.

29. Crosses hanging on the wall right in front of me. Reminding me of Christ's love.

30. A beautiful home that is loud and filled with laughter.

Review of Mercy Come Morning by Lisa Tawn Bergren

I received a copy of Mercy Come Morning by Waterbrook Multnomah in exchange of an honest review of the book. This book is about a lady named Krista that returned home to try to repair her relationship with her mother when she found out she was dying of congested heart failure. Her mother has Alzheimer's and is unable to talk. This was a beautiful story about grace, forgiveness, love and mercy. The relationships portrayed are broken, but become whole again in the story. Krista and her high school sweetheart work through the past and get over hurts together. The story was very predictable, but beautiful at the same time. It was a quick, easy read. I would recommend this book to anyone that would love to see relationships repaired and how God fixes us along the journey.

Review of Max Lucado's The Lucado Inspirational Reader

I love Max Lucado's style of writing. It is straight forward, but so full of hope and inspiration. When I saw that Booksneeze was offering a book that contained snippets from many of his books, I couldn't wait to check it out. It took me a long time to read this book. I loved it and found it very full of encouragement, but I found myself needing breaks from it. Mr. Lucado is an exceptional author. He explains things in ways that I can easily understand. He provides so much wisdom in this book. There are Bible verses between the chapters and some stories of his own life. I would highly recommend this book to friends, especially if they are looking to read something encouraging! Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

My Bella girl is 4!

I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with Bella. After a miscarriage and then being told I had PCOS then over a year of trying to get pregnant, we were ecstatic to find out we were finally expecting again! After labwork to find out how the pregnancy was progressing, we found out my HCG wasn't as high as it should have been. And it wasn't rising as quickly as it should have. My progesterone was also dangerously low. They started me on progesterone asap, but told me that there was no way to know if the baby would make it. It didn't look good. She hung on, though! I was a wreck and did not allow myself to become very excited about the pregnancy because I was so worried that I was going to lose her. Around week 11 my blood pressure started climbing and I had to be put on blood pressure meds. Around week 20 or so, I had to find a different OB, because mine went into an addiction treatment facility. My new doctor immediately reduced my work hours and told me to get more rest. Later in the pregnancy, he put me on modified bed rest and took me out of work completely, because of my blood pressure. He induced me at 38 weeks and I was in shock when they placed Bella on my chest. The entire pregnancy, I prepared myself for losing her. When she made it, I was shocked! God is so good! She turned 4 yesterday and has been such a light in our lives! She makes us laugh all the time. We are so blessed to have her in our lives! 1000 Gifts: 11. A wonderful birthday party for Bella filled with family and friends. 12. A safe trip to and from Louisiana. 13. Being able to visit with my brother. 14. Time visiting with Mamaw Shirley. 15. Irish stew in the crock pot when we got to Mamaw's house. 16. A warm bed at her house for the weekend. 17. Spending time with some friends I haven't seen since we moved. 18. Hugs from friends. 19. The smile on Bella's face when she saw her friends. 20. Friends praying for me on our trip.

Five minute Friday...

Before our move to Texas, I just thought I was really alive and enjoying life. Since the move, God has placed people in my lives to open up my eyes wide and really see the world for the beautiful place it is. There's that friend that gives me a hug, when I don't even realize I need one. That friend that says I've been there and it's ok to feel the way that you feel. That friend that asks how I'm doing and really wants to know. That friend that doesn't settle for the answer "I'm ok". There's that friend that asks "How can I pray for you?" and really means it. There's that friend that texts and says "I'm sorry I haven't been a great encourager this week", when she has a million reasons to not worry about other friends. There's that friend that asks if she can stop by to talk for 5 minutes. There's that friend that stands at her door and talks for an hour when needed. There's that friend that texts me to tell me she's proud of me and would take me out for a coke, if she was in town. Wonderful, eye opening colors that fill my world these days. God is so good and gives so much more than we could ever think to ask for. Vivid colors that fill my life and my heart to overflowing. STOP

One word 2012

I'm just a little late(17 days, if we're counting), but I wanted to share my one word for 2012. I don't do resolutions. Occasionally I'll do short term goals, but I don't like resolutions. They've been the same almost every year for the last almost 20 years, so I feel like making resolutions is setting myself up for failure. I do love one word to focus on for the year, though. My word for this year is COURAGE. I've lived a lot of my life scared. Scared of not being accepted. Scared of ridicule. Scared of not being loved. Scared of failing. Scared of broken relationships. Scared of people that I love dying. Scared of pursuing my dreams. As I started thinking about something I wanted to focus on and change about myself this year, the word fear kept coming to mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 says For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. So, if God does not want us to be fearful, I need to change that! I will be working on that this year and also working on cultivating an attitude of gratitude. I am starting my list of 1000 gifts on this post. I am thankful for: 1. A baby walking out of the room with an empty bowl on her face after eating popcorn. 2. Three of my kids looking for the fourth one that is hiding(playing hide and seek). 3. The sound of the dishwasher, washing dishes from a warm lunch. 4. The sunlight streaming in through my bathroom window. 5. My fourth child laughing loudly, because she was found. 6. An unexpected phone call from my brother this morning. 7. My mother in law blessing me with a huge, beautiful, expensive framed picture to go over my mantle. 8. My mother in law helping me to decorate my mantle, since I have no decorating sense. 9. A huge pile of clean clothes and towels that are overflowing the basket onto my bedroom floor, because that means we are blessed with clothing. 10. New friends in a homeschool group here in Texas. They have sure helped me not feel as lonely.

Review of Kay Arthur's As Silver Refined

I have to start this by saying that I had never read anything by Kay Arthur before. A friend of mine read this book and enjoyed it, so I decided to give it a try. In the beginning of the book, she mentions that God will never give you more than you could handle. I have to be honest, I completely disagree with that statement. The Bible says that God will never give you more temptation than you can handle, not that He will not give you more than you can handle. He does give us more than we can handle, so that we will lean on Him. After reading that statement, I did not want to read the book. I had to read it, though, because I agreed to read it and write a review. After getting into the book, I absolutely loved it. There was so much scripture and sound advice. I have struggled with us moving this year and the news about my brother being sick and this book really helped put a different perspective on everything. Mrs. Arthur states that every trial that comes our way is filtered through God's hands with love. How beautiful is that picture? Knowing that He lovingly uses trials to shape us. I have had a hard time understanding trials for most of my adult life. I was taught by a pastor that I sat under for years that everything good comes from God and everything bad comes from the devil. That doesn't line up with the Bible and was very confusing. I am thankful for books like As Silver Refined that are helping me understand trials. I would recommend this to friends that are going through any kind of trial in their life. Whether your trial is a job loss, loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, etc. This book is very helpful in understanding that those trials are there for a purpose. I received this book for free from Waterbrook Multnomah in exchange of an honest review.