Musings of a Homeschooling Mom

Broken...

2012-01-26T17:33:00.001-06:00

I read a description the other day of a coffee cup that looks beautiful and whole and flawless, but when hot coffee was poured into the cup, it shattered. That's how I feel these days. I smile. I laugh, sometimes a little too loud, because if I'm laughing, I'm not crying.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop alone, because I needed a break and I am struggling to hold in tears, because I'm alone! It's crazy! I told my doctor that I'm depressed & she said "You don't looked depressed!". She said I was smiling, laughing and joking. Have you ever heard "Fake it till you make it?". That's what I was taught growing up. I was told that other people have it much worse than I do. That is very true, but when did life become a scorecard? I don't believe that is how life is meant to be lived. Keeping score. What a joke!

What are your thoughts on keeping score of the good & bad that life brings your way?

My gifts:

21. A beautiful 16 month old baby girl that just started telling me "I love you!".

22. A 13 year old boy that still thinks its cool to hug his momma.

23. An 11 year old girl that comes to me about everything.

24. A 4 year old girl that is full of hugs & energy.

25. A hubby that let me escape to the coffee shop for some alone time.

26. That same hubby cooking supper while I am gone.

27. An iced snickers coffee with whipped cream and chocolate toppings.

28. A nice, big, comfy chair to relax in.

29. Crosses hanging on the wall right in front of me. Reminding me of Christ's love.

30. A beautiful home that is loud and filled with laughter.

Review of Mercy Come Morning by Lisa Tawn Bergren

2012-01-26T13:06:00.002-06:00

I received a copy of Mercy Come Morning by Waterbrook Multnomah in exchange of an honest review of the book. This book is about a lady named Krista that returned home to try to repair her relationship with her mother when she found out she was dying of congested heart failure. Her mother has Alzheimer's and is unable to talk. This was a beautiful story about grace, forgiveness, love and mercy. The relationships portrayed are broken, but become whole again in the story. Krista and her high school sweetheart work through the past and get over hurts together. The story was very predictable, but beautiful at the same time. It was a quick, easy read. I would recommend this book to anyone that would love to see relationships repaired and how God fixes us along the journey.

Review of Max Lucado's The Lucado Inspirational Reader

2012-01-26T12:54:00.002-06:00

I love Max Lucado's style of writing. It is straight forward, but so full of hope and inspiration. When I saw that Booksneeze was offering a book that contained snippets from many of his books, I couldn't wait to check it out. It took me a long time to read this book. I loved it and found it very full of encouragement, but I found myself needing breaks from it. Mr. Lucado is an exceptional author. He explains things in ways that I can easily understand. He provides so much wisdom in this book. There are Bible verses between the chapters and some stories of his own life. I would highly recommend this book to friends, especially if they are looking to read something encouraging! Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

My Bella girl is 4!

2012-01-23T12:09:00.001-06:00

I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant with Bella. After a miscarriage and then being told I had PCOS then over a year of trying to get pregnant, we were ecstatic to find out we were finally expecting again! After labwork to find out how the pregnancy was progressing, we found out my HCG wasn't as high as it should have been. And it wasn't rising as quickly as it should have. My progesterone was also dangerously low. They started me on progesterone asap, but told me that there was no way to know if the baby would make it. It didn't look good. She hung on, though! I was a wreck and did not allow myself to become very excited about the pregnancy because I was so worried that I was going to lose her. Around week 11 my blood pressure started climbing and I had to be put on blood pressure meds. Around week 20 or so, I had to find a different OB, because mine went into an addiction treatment facility. My new doctor immediately reduced my work hours and told me to get more rest. Later in the pregnancy, he put me on modified bed rest and took me out of work completely, because of my blood pressure. He induced me at 38 weeks and I was in shock when they placed Bella on my chest. The entire pregnancy, I prepared myself for losing her. When she made it, I was shocked! God is so good! She turned 4 yesterday and has been such a light in our lives! She makes us laugh all the time. We are so blessed to have her in our lives! 1000 Gifts:11. A wonderful birthday party for Bella filled with family and friends.12. A safe trip to and from Louisiana.13. Being able to visit with my brother.14. Time visiting with Mamaw Shirley.15. Irish stew in the crock pot when we got to Mamaw's house.16. A warm bed at her house for the weekend.17. Spending time with some friends I haven't seen since we moved.18. Hugs from friends.19. The smile on Bella's face when she saw her friends.20. Friends praying for me on our trip.

Five minute Friday...

2012-01-20T10:48:00.001-06:00

Before our move to Texas, I just thought I was really alive and enjoying life. Since the move, God has placed people in my lives to open up my eyes wide and really see the world for the beautiful place it is. There's that friend that gives me a hug, when I don't even realize I need one. That friend that says I've been there and it's ok to feel the way that you feel. That friend that asks how I'm doing and really wants to know. That friend that doesn't settle for the answer "I'm ok". There's that friend that asks "How can I pray for you?" and really means it. There's that friend that texts and says "I'm sorry I haven't been a great encourager this week", when she has a million reasons to not worry about other friends. There's that friend that asks if she can stop by to talk for 5 minutes. There's that friend that stands at her door and talks for an hour when needed. There's that friend that texts me to tell me she's proud of me and would take me out for a coke, if she was in town. Wonderful, eye opening colors that fill my world these days. God is so good and gives so much more than we could ever think to ask for. Vivid colors that fill my life and my heart to overflowing.STOP

One word 2012

2012-01-17T15:16:00.004-06:00

I'm just a little late(17 days, if we're counting), but I wanted to share my one word for 2012. I don't do resolutions. Occasionally I'll do short term goals, but I don't like resolutions. They've been the same almost every year for the last almost 20 years, so I feel like making resolutions is setting myself up for failure. I do love one word to focus on for the year, though. My word for this year is COURAGE. I've lived a lot of my life scared. Scared of not being accepted. Scared of ridicule. Scared of not being loved. Scared of failing. Scared of broken relationships. Scared of people that I love dying. Scared of pursuing my dreams. As I started thinking about something I wanted to focus on and change about myself this year, the word fear kept coming to mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 says For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. So, if God does not want us to be fearful, I need to change that! I will be working on that this year and also working on cultivating an attitude of gratitude. I am starting my list of 1000 gifts on this post. I am thankful for:1. A baby walking out of the room with an empty bowl on her face after eating popcorn. 2. Three of my kids looking for the fourth one that is hiding(playing hide and seek).3. The sound of the dishwasher, washing dishes from a warm lunch. 4. The sunlight streaming in through my bathroom window. 5. My fourth child laughing loudly, because she was found. 6. An unexpected phone call from my brother this morning. 7. My mother in law blessing me with a huge, beautiful, expensive framed picture to go over my mantle.8. My mother in law helping me to decorate my mantle, since I have no decorating sense.9. A huge pile of clean clothes and towels that are overflowing the basket onto my bedroom floor, because that means we are blessed with clothing.10. New friends in a homeschool group here in Texas. They have sure helped me not feel as lonely.

Review of Kay Arthur's As Silver Refined

2012-01-17T13:03:00.000-06:00

I have to start this by saying that I had never read anything by Kay Arthur before. A friend of mine read this book and enjoyed it, so I decided to give it a try. In the beginning of the book, she mentions that God will never give you more than you could handle. I have to be honest, I completely disagree with that statement. The Bible says that God will never give you more temptation than you can handle, not that He will not give you more than you can handle. He does give us more than we can handle, so that we will lean on Him. After reading that statement, I did not want to read the book. I had to read it, though, because I agreed to read it and write a review. After getting into the book, I absolutely loved it. There was so much scripture and sound advice. I have struggled with us moving this year and the news about my brother being sick and this book really helped put a different perspective on everything. Mrs. Arthur states that every trial that comes our way is filtered through God's hands with love. How beautiful is that picture? Knowing that He lovingly uses trials to shape us. I have had a hard time understanding trials for most of my adult life. I was taught by a pastor that I sat under for years that everything good comes from God and everything bad comes from the devil. That doesn't line up with the Bible and was very confusing. I am thankful for books like As Silver Refined that are helping me understand trials. I would recommend this to friends that are going through any kind of trial in their life. Whether your trial is a job loss, loss of a loved one, loss of a relationship, etc. This book is very helpful in understanding that those trials are there for a purpose. I received this book for free from Waterbrook Multnomah in exchange of an honest review.

Tiny Prints Christmas Cards

2011-12-02T21:27:00.001-06:00

Last month, I went to my first blogging event. Tiny Prints hosted a party for area bloggers to showcase their new items. When I started thinking about Christmas cards, we searched all over the internet trying to find a card that we fell in love with. We were looking for one that really captured what life is all about to us and didn't just have a space for 1-3 pictures. Tiny Prints came through for us on this aspect! We chose Counted Blessings because it really seemed to capture us and I loved being able to show several pictures. I love the style, the colors and everything about this card. One of my highlights of the holiday season is receiving Christmas cards in the mail. I love seeing pictures of my family and friends and love seeing my kids faces light up when they see real mail, instead of junk! We love displaying Christmas cards on the bar in the kitchen, so we can look at them while doing dishes or cleaning up the kitchen. If you are considering ordering Christmas cards for your family, Tiny Prints is a fabulous company with great customer service! I highly recommend them!

Thankful in all circumstances

2011-11-25T15:13:00.001-06:00

So, today we are in the car headed home after Thanksgiving in Louisiana. If I could use one word to describe how I feel right now it would be thankful. Very, very thankful. I am thankful that my brother was there to be with us for Thanksgiving. I am sad that he felt too bad to eat. I am sad that he looked like he was hurting. I am very thankful that he was there and I was able to give him a big hug. I am thankful that we were able to spend some time with my mom, aunts & grandmother. I am thankful they are all still here.

On our way into town, we got the news that one of Ernie's stepmom's brother's had passed away that morning. He was sick and had been sick for a long time. I have no doubt that he's in a better place, but there was a sense of sadness when Shirley & her siblings lined up for a family picture. Every time we snap a picture, I am reminded of the fact that we don't take enough pictures. My memory is terrible, so I am thankful for pictures. The kids were happy to spend time with family that we don't see near often enough. The city girl in me was a wreck when my kids went out into the woods out of my sight, but it worked out. I enjoyed the visiting and am now enjoying some quiet as we are driving back home.

Every time we leave Louisiana, I have such mixed feelings. I love where we are now & love the new friendships and the church we are visiting. I'm saddened that there wasn't enough time to see everyone I wanted to see. The people pleaser in me wants to make sure we see everyone, so no one has hurt feelings. It robs me of joy, though, because I can't be fully there with anyone. I'm too busy thinking about what else we have to go and do.

I am so thankful to be going back to my safe place. The place where I am the most comfortable. The place where I feel like grace meets me. God is such a gracious and loving Father. I am so thankful for the changes he has brought about in our lives over the last six months. So, instead of crying, because it might be my brother's last Thanksgiving, I'm choosing joy. I'm noticing the beautiful sky, perfect temperatures, the crunch of the leaves on the ground and I am saying thank you, Father for loving me and blessing me!

Transparent...

2011-11-20T21:33:00.001-06:00

Being transparent is my goal. I think it is so important to me, because there are many people in my life that if you asked me what they are like, my honest response would be that I can tell you what they want other people to think they are like. I want people to know the real me and know what to expect when they come into contact with me. This year has been a tough one for me, but honestly, it has also been one of my bests! There have been many mountains & valleys. But when the mask has been removed, I am broken, but my Father is putting the pieces back together. My Father is allowing me to be broken, because in my weakness, He is strong. When I am at my lowest, He is the highest. I am growing closer to Him. I can be sure that He is going to carry me through this. I am thankful for every trial that He uses to make me the person that He wants me to be. I pray that He will show me ways to minister and help others as they suffer trials on this earth.

Just breathe...

2011-11-15T15:07:00.001-06:00

Today is one of those days when I'm reminding myself to take slow, deep breaths and to relax. I have dealt with anxiety induced chest pains when feeling overwhelmed for years. Today is the first time in about 10 years that I've wondered if I need to go to the emergency room, which of course, makes it worse. I want to pull the covers over my head and not answer my phone or come out, until absolutely necessary.

Can you relate? How do you fight those feelings?

Life, In Spite of Me: Extraordinary Hope After a Fatal Choice by Kristen Anderson with Tricia Goyer

2011-11-07T23:33:00.001-06:00

Kristen was seventeen years old when she decided she had had enough of this world. She had had enough pain, disappointment and sadness in her life and decided she was done. She laid down in front of a train coming, trying to end her life. On that horrible night, she thought she was done with this life and knew what was best for her, but God had bigger plans. She was held down by God and only lost her legs and a lot of blood that night. She had a long, painful journey ahead of her, but God was with her every step of the way.

The story is told very straightforward with a lot of encouragement for anyone that has battled depression and discouragement. I read this book cover to cover in 5 hours. I had no desire to put it down until I read the last word. It was a beautiful story. I give it 5 stars and would definitely recommend this book to anyone that has felt discouraged and/or hopeless.

I was given this book for free by Waterbrook Multnomah to read and give an honest review.

The Gratitude Project Day 3!

2011-11-03T23:25:00.001-05:00

Today, the thing I am most thankful for is my God. My Daddy, my Heavenly Father, my strength, my fortress, my strong tower. I could go on and on about what He is to me.

I'm going to get real, because real is what I am. If you don't want to read personal things, you might want to stop. :). Don't say I didn't warn you! This year has been tough. When I say tough, I mean tough. I think it is probably the toughest year I've ever had. Ernie changed jobs, we relocated 300ish miles from home and we found out my 31 year old brother has stage IV pancreatic cancer that has spread to his brain. Let me tell you, if ever I have felt like someone ripped my heart out of my chest, it was when I heard those words.

I have wrestled with depression off and on since I was a teenager. After my Daddy died unexpectedly, I was taken to a psychiatrist & prescribed Prozac. I had days when life was good, but most of my teenage memories have been suppressed, because I was in such a dark place. A place that felt bleak, hopeless, worthless. I have many memories of thinking that this world would be such a better place without me. I always thought that those thoughts were because I was missing my Daddy so much. Fast forward many years, I get this news about my little brother(the brother that I have always wanted to protect) & my first idea after praying, of course, was to get back on Prozac. So, I went to my GP and told him I needed something to help me get through this. I wanted something to numb this terrible heartache. He gave me the prescription for Prozac & told me it would take 4-5 weeks to kick in and for me to start feeling a difference. I made it to 3.5 or 4 weeks and guess what? Those feelings of hopelessness, despair, helplessness, worthlessness, all came rushing back to me. The thoughts that this world would be a better place if I wasn't part of it came at me like a freight train. The thoughts that I'm not strong enough to deal with this heartache and I wanted to go first were screaming at me ALL day long. I did not want to get out of bed, much less do anything more than that.

Then my Father sent sweet friends to call out of the blue and check on me. Sweet emails for no reason, other to ask how I was doing. Amazing songs would play at just the right time that explained exactly how I was feeling. He guided me to a small group in my homeschool group that is encouraging me and lifting me up in prayer. He placed books in my path to read and review that are deepening my faith.

He has reminded me through friends tweets that if I am still breathing, He still has work for me to do for His kingdom. The medication I was on was not what I needed. More of God was. He has never said that He will not give us more than we can bear, but what He has promised is that we are never alone. That gives me courage to get up and face the day. I am not alone and He has a plan for my life. He has people that I might need to speak to or hug or even just smile at. For that, I am thankful. I am thankful that He chose me as His own. I am thankful that He loves me at all times.

The Gratitude Project Day 2!

2011-11-02T23:06:00.001-05:00

Today, I am thankful for health insurance! I took Annalee in to the pediatrician earlier this past summer, because she was having a lot of random stomach pain & her sides were hurting. Dr. Stanley ordered an xray of her stomach and the report said there was a fragment of a shotgun pellet in her intestines. He was not concerned & said it would pass. He said to bring her back, if she started complaining more often or if the pain got worse.

Fast forward about four months and she's having stomachaches & side pain again, but this time nausea is playing more of a role than the stomachaches. She's also very tired all of the time and her appetite seems to have shrunk. So, today we visited our new pediatrician. He examined her, did another stomach xray, urinalysis, CBC, checking thyroid levels, glucose, sed rate & lead levels. He suspects that she's dealing with IBS, because we have a family history of it. So, we are playing the waiting game and hoping for some kind of concrete answer, so hopefully we can get her feeling better! Thanks to health insurance, all this cost me was $15! I can't imagine the fees without insurance. Thank you, God!

Prayers and Answered Prayers...

2011-11-01T22:42:00.000-05:00

Sunday morning we were back home in Louisiana and went back to our home church. At the end of praise and worship, they always invite people up for prayer. I went up Sunday morning and asked for prayer for my mouth. I specifically asked for one of our pastors to pray that nothing would come out of my mouth that God did not want me to say at a family get together on Sunday afternoon. With everyone in the family being stressed and worried, sometimes things overflow that you do not mean to say. My prayer was that the Holy Spirit would be walking with me every step and only encouraging things would come out of my mouth. Pastor Roy, the pastor praying for me, said that the message actually tied into what I was asking for prayer about that morning. He went up to start the message after praise and worship and one of the first things he said was "It takes wisdom to use words properly.". He used many Proverbs to back that up and stated that we can speak life into people. That is my goal in this life. I want to speak life and not death into people. I want to encourage, not discourage. He warned us to be careful what you say, because you never know how someone might take it. That reminds me of the saying that everyone is fighting a battle. You just never know how someone is going to take something. It might not affect them at all one day and the next, it could cause them to fall apart. He also stated that words that have never been spoken can hurt just as badly. That rings very true for me, because there are many words that I wish I had heard growing up and many questions I wish I could still ask my Daddy. Thank the Lord, I'll be able to ask him in Heaven one day! He quoted Calvin Coolidge and said "I've never been hurt by anything I did not say.". One thing he said that stuck out at me was that no matter how many times you apologize, it's impossible to retract your words. The damage has been done. I totally lost it this afternoon & yelled at Michael. He had done absolutely nothing wrong, I was panicking over life issues & when I was squeezed, ugly came out, instead of good. I am thankful tomorrow is a new beginning and am praying that once again, nothing will come out of my mouth that God does not want to come out of my mouth.

The Gratitude Project

2011-11-01T22:13:00.000-05:00

My friend, Nicole, started The Gratitude Project last November to purposely name something you are thankful for every day of November, leading up to Thanksgiving. I joined her last year, but didn't do the greatest job blogging every day. I am going to try to do much better this year! These will not be in any particular order. I do not want to say the exact same things as last year. :) So, today, on this first day of November, I am thankful for my brother. We were told about 6 weeks ago that he has stage IV pancreatic cancer that has spread to the brain. He just turned 31 this past Sunday. He is a loving, tender-hearted guy that is always thinking of how he can help other people. Watching him suffer is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. I am very thankful for every minute that I have to spend with him. I am thankful for every text I get from him. I am thankful for every time I talk to him. I am thankful for every trip we are able to make back to Louisiana to see him. I am thankful for every hug. I am thankful for every I love you. I am thankful for every picture of him. I am thankful for all of the memories I have with him. I am thankful that he was there to walk me down the aisle when I got married. I am praying constantly for complete healing for him, but am also trying to make the most of every moment we have and to let him know how thankful I am for him!

My review of Shadow in Serenity by Terri Blackstock

2011-11-01T15:17:00.001-05:00

Logan Brisco shows up in a small town by the name of Serenity, Texas with every intention of robbing the town blind by conning the residents out of their life savings. He uses wit, charm and charisma to win the residents over. What he didn't count on was meeting Carny Sullivan. She was raised in a carnival setting and had seen all kinds of get rich quick schemes and was pretty well versed in con artists. She did not trust Logan from the beginning. Logan spent more time in Serenity than any other town he had ever stopped in. He felt welcome and accepted in Serenity, a feeling he hadn't found in other places. He started feeling remorse for stealing from the residents. Carny was there at every step, trying to prove to everyone that Logan was a liar and a con man. The longer Logan stayed, the more attached he started getting to the residents. He became pretty attached to Jason, Carny's son. Although, the book turns into a love story, it is not a romance novel. It is a beautiful story that weaves forgiveness and redemption into the story line. This was not a quick read for me. It took me pausing and reading slow and examining my own heart. That was not something I expected when I agreed to read this book. I don't normally find myself doing that reading fiction. It was a nice surprise! I would highly recommend this book. I give it 5 out of 5 stars! A digital copy of this book was provided to me by Zondervan and Shelby Sledge at Shelton Interactive in exchange for an honest review of this book. These views are my own. I am very thankful for the opportunity to read this book. It was the first book I have read by Terri Blackstock. I highly recommend her novels!

The Pirate Queen by Patricia Hickman Review

2011-10-27T22:54:00.001-05:00

Saphora makes up her mind to leave her husband, Bender, after years of infidelity & retreat to their beach house. She has her bags packed and is getting ready to leave their home, when Bender comes home and announces that he has terminal cancer and wants to go to the beach house.

Saphora and Bender take their grandson, Eddie, for a few weeks, because there is no one to watch him. They meet a little boy, named Tobias on the beach. He's a very special little boy that has his own medical conditions.

This book is such a great example of love, hope, forgiveness and grace. There were times I laughed and times I cried. Saphora felt like she was a friend. I don't think anyone could read this book and not love her and Tobias. I loved every page of this book!

I received this book for free from Waterbrook Publishing in exchange of an honest review. ExcerptChapter One My shell is not like this, I think. How untidyit has become! Blurred with moss, knobbywith barnacles, its shape is hardly recognizableany more. Surely, it had a shape once. It has ashape still in my mind. What is the shape ofmy life?ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH, Gift from the Sea One might have observed that all of the right people had been invited to the Warren estate for the Southern Living shoot. The certainty of the Warrens’ happy existence on Lake Norman was firmly set in the minds of the departing guests. Undoubtedly, through the women present, the affair’s success spread off the estate and into the notable neighborhoods. The party had ended, leaving the catering help to stow away the perfectly selected china settings. Saphora Warren pulled down the balloons, plucking them out of the air and then inserting a straight pin into the latex. As quickly as she dropped the dead latex remains, a teen boy she had hired to clean up after the lawn party picked them off the ground. He had trolled past her dock on his Jet Ski yesterday and, when he saw her sunning on her boat’s deck, had asked in vain for a cold beer. Lake Norman’s shoreline lapped at the Warrens’ family boat in the distance, the mast a cross against a pale pink manse located transversely on the opposite harbor. One house sat like a relic on the Warrens’ end of the Peninsula, a reminder of the older ranch houses standing before the year the lake was put in. It was unseasonably hot for late June. The warm brown water turned red along the clay-brimmed lawns. Several of the guests had driven family boats across the lake, arriving early for the Southern Living lawn party. Had not Saphora’s housekeeper, Tabitha, just led the women docking their motorboats and sailboats along the Warrens’ dock into the guest room near the swimming pool to slip into garden dresses and brush out their hair, matted down after a morning of tennis? But here the afternoon had been spilled like sweet tea poured out, the ladies already gathering in clusters to kiss good-bye and float back to their pretty houses across the lake. Saphora noticed she had forgotten to shave her legs. She pulled down the hem of her skirt as if she were straightening it at the same second Abigail Weed, the journalist from Southern Living, noted a few more descriptive details about Saphora’s gardens, the patio containersholding gold black-eyed Susans that turned open faced to the sun. Saphora was popping the balloons so methodically that Sherry, her cook and personal assistant, ran from the kitchen out onto the paved patio yelling, “What in the world?” “It’s nothing,” said Abigail, taking over, speaking for Saphora, and familiar enough with running Southern Living lawn parties like productions that she said to Sherry, “Sherry, can you help Mrs. Warren?” Sherry took the straight pin from her boss like she would a child who might hurt herself. “Miss Saphora, aren’t you the one to be doing that?” Sherry said, implying that Saphora should not do menial tasks like deflating balloons. But Saphora was not herself today,and that accounted for her giddiness. Abigail put down her laptop that held the contents of Saphora’s “life on the lake” and joined Sherry in killing the remaining balloons. “This is some place, Saphora. You live in your own fairy tale,” said Abigail. “Bender planned it this way from the beginning.” Saphora had not noticed before how the high hedged wall surrounding the estate and the trees of a similar height enclosed the house like an evergreen compound. Bender had commandeered the landscaping crew using words like “picturesque” and “palatial.” “Bender’s your husband, Dr. Warren?” “The plastic surgeon. Yes. He invented a procedure.” She did not know why she told Abigail that without her asking. But it was the surgical procedure and its ensuing fame in the medical community that gave Bender the things he needed to order his life. He dressed like a prince, closet arranged like a Manhattan department store. He was tall and good-looking. When Saphora had gotten around to telling Bender the call had come from Southern Living, he was dressing in a golf shirt for his Sunday morning game. He patted her as he sprinted out the door, telling her she was using up the magic from her lucky star. He spread envy, she was pretty sure, as he putted over the third hole. She imagined him mentioning the SL lawn party in a casual way, like doctors do. This morning he had taken one final turn around the rear lawn, proud the house was selected for the Southern Living magazine spread. Practically speaking, a write-up about them could affect home value in a sagging economy. Not showing up for the lawn party was his way of making himself elusive so that he would become the subject of the party’s talk. Saphora knew her lines just as she knew Abigail would have fished around the subject of Bender’s illustrious career until she acquiesced. So Saphora helped her cut to the point she was after. One last time. It was not that she owed him anything. Promoting Bender was a fulltime habit. “I heard about that award,” said Abigail. “Back in the nineties, right? It’s all over the Internet. You must be the envy of all your friends.” Saphora looked at the four remaining women still mingling on the patio. “I don’t know.” She smiled. A faint laugh fluttered out of her throat. She was not as fast as Bender with words. She would lie awake, and the right thing to say would come to mind. But too late. Her brainwas about to explode from storing so many unsaid things. Thinking deeply rather than broadly presented so many lost opportunities. Saphora was curious about Abigail’s life in Florida. She imagined Abigail writing clever descriptive phrases about the photographs of the places where she had traveled. She made fast friends, probably had to with her schedule. Abigail was a woman who did not care whether her clothes were designer made or factory overruns. There was an attitude about her that Saphora defined as gypsy. A woman who lived to cull out the far-flung corners of the universe. Sherry joined Abigail, and the two of them set to reopening the still-inflated balloons, sucking the helium out of them. Sherry sang, “La la la la.” Abigail laughed. Then Sherry laughed until Mark Ng, the photographer, walked up on them. “I’ve got to head back to Tampa,” he said to Abigail. “You’re always the spoilsport, Mark,” said Abigail. The helium was still constricting her vocal chords. Mark hefted his camera bag and walked away from them. Saphora had never met a more somber young man. He did not like or want to keep any of the photographs using the lake as a backdrop, calling the lake “too brown to photograph.” Saphora overheard him ask Abigail if it would be improper to colorize the lake photographs blue, but Abigail was a purist. “It’s a lake, Mark, not the ocean.” As soon as he walked away, she said to Saphora, “He’s a coast dweller. He doesn’t get lake life.” Saphora liked Abigail right from the start because of her secret admiration for cynical women. Abigail whispered sharp criticisms into her ear; she was good at assessing people on sight. That was evident as each Peninsula wife had arrived browned from playing tennis onclay courts. “There’s one with plenty of time on her hands,” she would say. Abigail was good, however, at bringing people she liked into her circle. She took Saphora into her confidence at the outset, making Saphora feel elevated, as if she and Abigail were circling overhead, their communal laughter falling down on the mortals below. The few remaining guests lined up along the courtyard quad to offer polite farewells to Saphora, but mostly to ogle Abigail, hoping against hope she would use her magical influence to pick their house for a photo shoot. But today was reserved: Pick Saphora Day. One of the women was a naturalist named Erin Guff. She thanked Saphora for Bender’s donation to her pet ecological fund. Bender had not mentioned donating to Erin’s charity. “That husband of yours is generous to a fault,” said Erin. Her tone was affected. She was hiding something, Saphora decided. Erin lobbied for environmental interests along the Outer Banks, like educating homeowners about how lawn fertilizer polluted the ocean. Saphora admired her activism if only because it seemed so daring. She admired anyone unafraid to confront and wished she could have that kind of boldness. But Erin’s subversive tactics were not admirable. Today Erin stood like a centerpiece among the other Peninsula wives. She wore a white strapless dress picked up in New York, not like the other women, who dressed like colorful birds from Charlotte boutiques. She looked away for a millisecond, long enough for Saphora to come to the conclusion that she had slept with Bender. Saphora should not have invited her to the party. Now that she thought about it, women had weakened Bender’s character. Erin turned to face her again. “I love you dearly, Saphora. You’re a treasure.” She said it as if she had found wings and flown between Saphora and Abigail. Saphora let Erin kiss her cheek. But it left an itch. Mark came alongside Saphora as she unthreaded a silk garland out of the trellis. “Thank you for letting us crash in today, Saphora,” he said. “Can you send some of the pictures to me?” she asked Mark. “I can pay you.” Mark’s sleeve brushed her forearm. He packed up the camera but seemed to take his time. Stalling was what a man like Mark did when he wanted to linger around a woman. He awkwardly interjected idle chatter, unlike her husband, who was never without exactly the right thing to say. Saphora was terrible at flirting. She had once filled out one of those personality quizzes that assessed her flirting skills. She was in the one percentile of women who did not know how to flirt. Not knowing how to flirt seemed to make her better, less like Bender. “Sure. Here’s what it’ll cost you. Tell me how you make your barbecue sauce,” Mark said to Saphora. He winked, she was pretty sure. Very charming, an Asian man’s wink. She walked alongside him toward the front gate. The back of his hand brushed the back of her hand. He was not so somber after all. Saphora had not cooked one of the twenty or more dishes for the staged party. Sherry had whipped up the sauce in between cooking two other dishes. “It’s the chili peppers,” she told him, sounding more southern than usual, probably because Mark seemed to expect it from her. “And brown sugar. Sherry can tell you.” She had a terrible memory for the details of what went into a sauce or any combination of ingredients that came together so perfectly as to draw admiration. Memory was not her strong suit. She could go downstairs for a cold cola, and the next thing she knew she’d be staring into the dryer trying to remember why she came downstairs. “Sherry’s around here somewhere,” she told him. “Did I hear my name?” Sherry sidestepped Saphora, flirting above her boss’s missed opportunity. She was African American, tall, leggy. The kind of woman who would turn heads if she could only afford the right clothes. But her voice was still so helium bloated thatMark turned away. “I’ll e-mail you, Mrs. Warren,” he said. “Just so you know, you’re the nicest hostess I’ve photographed so far.” Saphora hung on Mark’s compliment and his gaze until he broke eye contact and headed through the gate for his car. Sherry finished with the catering company’s associate, who was responsible for packing up the remaining folding chairs. The last of the chairs disappeared into the delivery truck. Soon the lawn was clean again, although trampled. Sherry said, “This is the best party we’ve ever had, Miss Saphora. You impressed the fool out of those ladies from the Peninsula Club. Not a one will ever top this.” “Because of you, Sherry. You should take the rest of the day now,” said Saphora, “for yourself.” That should get her out of the way. “But what about dinner? Dr. Warren, he’s home by dark tonight, he told me.” “We’ll warm up leftovers. You cooked plenty, enough for an emerging country.” “I am beat, for sure. I got to prop up my dogs.” “Go home and rest. As a matter of fact, take tomorrow off too Paid, I mean. You deserve it.” She caught Sherry off guard. Saphora walked her to the back entry where Sherry had parked her Kia. She helped Sherry into her car and told her to check in with Dr. Warren Thursday morning. Sherry continued to resist being brushed out of the house so quickly. “I saw your suitcase lying open on the bed when I was putting up your clean towels, Miss Saphora. You going somewhere?” she asked. “Oriental,” said Saphora, not looking directly at Sherry. The Outer Banks beach house Bender bought five summers back, in the coastal village of Oriental, had stood empty for all that time. “You should have told me. I could have driven up a day ahead and stocked up for summer. You know how cobwebs take over.” “I’m in a stocking mood,” said Saphora. “It’s therapeutic.” “Not for me. It’s just plain old work.” Saphora ran out of excuses. The late afternoon hour was swimming away, and she needed to get her cook and personal assistant out from under foot. “I left that bag of costume jewelry for you in the bathroom. Did you find it?” Sherry was on to her. She kept her eyes on Saphora in a manner showing her unease with leaving her mistress to organize dinner. “I did. That’s some of your good stuff. You all right, Miss Saphora?” “Better than most.” It was only costume jewelry; Sherry liked the junkier accessories. She looked good in bright costumey pieces that cheapened other women’s looks. “This is your bowling night. Jerry iswaiting for you.” “You know me too good, Miss Saphora.” She took her time putting her pocketbook in the backseat, her apron in the passenger seat, folded too neatly for something she was about to put in the wash. She finally climbed into the car. There was a moment when she looked asif she was still conflicted over leaving. “Have fun bowling,” said Saphora. Sherry closed the door and started her engine. “Bye!” Saphora managed to get her sent off, down the drive and out the gate. A food smell hung in the kitchen. It followed Saphora up the staircase and into the bedroom when she realized it was she who smelled like everything that had been cooked from four this morning on. The steamed clams and chili-soaked shrimp were for the time being a part of the fabric clinging to her skin. She peeled off the blouse and the woven silk skirt and slipped into the shower. The dual shower heads shot the water at her skin like tiny bullets. The bathroommirrors steamed over so that when she stepped out onto the marble she could not see any of her face or the small dimples of cellulite pocking her buttocks. She cycled four days a week, but her body responded like an old pillow. She stuffed the nine-hundred-dollar blouse into the dry-cleaning bag. She was leaving behind the expensive stuff, the part of her wardrobe she had passed through Bender’s impeccable filter, and taking her everyday clothes. She wondered if she would ever see that blouse again. Benny Taylor’s boy Eric would pick up the dry-cleaning bag Thursday morning after Sherry hung it on the rear kitchen door. Three days later, Eric would return the dry cleaning—her blouse, Bender’s laundered shirts, and his golf pants. Sherry would whisk them upstairs to hang in the dressing room. Saphora shoved the blouse deep into the dry-cleaning bag as if she didn’t care what happened to it. She finished rolling up her comfortable traveling clothes to pack tightly and then slipped into the twenty-dollar jeans bought on clearance at Kohl’s. Bender had rolled his eyes at her for slumming, as he called it. It was her happy rebellion to wear whatever she wanted. Saphora packed the Gucci suitcase with a few of her skinny clothes and some middle-of-the-road size sixes since she could possibly lose weight while living alone. Then she included the everyday clothes that actually fit. Maybe size eight would be her permanent state of being. It’s up to me, she thought. She looked around the Bender-sized bedroom for the last time. Tabitha had come Monday to clean. Saphora made the bed this morning, four hours after Bender got up at three to drive to the hospital. There was not a wrinkle in the bedding. She could flip quarters on the sheets. She opened the nightstand drawer. The items in the drawer were neatly segregated into a tray that held Bender’s watch and wedding band at night. There were always batteries in the flashlight tucked into the drawer that Bender used when he routinely got up at two in the morning to relieve himself. A new set of golf clubs in the bag waited just inside the walk-in dressing room. A mini putter station lay five feet out from the dressing mirror. It took little time to remove any traces of herself. She wondered how long it would take for Bender to notice she was gone. She zipped the suitcase closed and grabbed a ball cap she normally wore while running. She pressed it down over the two-hundred dollar hairstyle Bender had called “perfect, so perfect for you, Saphora.” She rolled the suitcase onto the upstairs landing at the exact moment the front door opened. She assumed Sherry was coming back to remind her how to use the warming oven. She stepped up to the edge of the overhang, resting her hands on the balustrade to look down into the entry. But Sherry had not come back. Bender came through the front door instead of the back entry, where he usually parked the blue Lexus, the only car he willingly left out in the rain. His face was white as scallops, and his skin palely gleaming. His shirt was wrinkled, and he had not dressed for the hospital but was wearing a plaid shirt, like the kind he wore tarpon fishing off the coast of Florida. He looked to the back of the house, as if he were looking for her, or maybe for Sherry to mix up a martini in the middle of the day. Had he not said he had an important surgery scheduled with a client from the Peninsula? A nose job, wasn’t it? Maybe it was yesterday. She couldn’t remember. “Good grief, Bender. It’s not even four,” she said in the quiet of the afternoon. “Saphora,” he said, breathless, as if he had been running. He was looking straight at her, but not as if he was at all perceiving her. He was looking past her. It was not like him. Bender was always direct. “I’m glad I found you,” he said distantly. She was thinking about the suitcase beside her on the floor. How to explain? She would send him into the kitchen for a beer and then hide the luggage. He would fall asleep halfway through the drink, and then she would leave. Nothing was keeping her from leaving. “There’s cold beer in the kitchen. Some leftovers. You like fried green tomatoes. I can’t have any so you might as well,” she said as if she had not already eaten two. Her pulse drummed in her ears. Before she could rattle off the list of dishes she thought might entice him, detour him from his upstairs shower, he said, “I’m sick.” The sky was not yet darkening and would not for several hours. Not even a motorboat rumbled distantly from the dock. “A glass of club soda then?” she asked, nervous, her thoughts spinning. “Come down,” he said, disappearing into the house. She caught up with Bender after passing the mud room, where the photographs of their three children hung above the coat rack. The coat rack still hung eye level to a first grader even though their youngest boy, Ramsey, was now married and a dad. Saphora had her first child because she was too young to organize her life around birth control. So she spent the first two years of marriage organizing her life around Turner. He was the biggest baby, her mother-in-law said, in four generations of Warrens. The Warrenmen came small into the world and then grew to be tall men. They were big earners and big spenders. Bender’s mama had called her only son Bender the Spender. She had passed away two years earlier after a vacation in Austria. Bender had said women who married Warrenmen seldom lived long after their men died. They lost their purpose. Turner had seemed like a lonesome little boy. If Saphora had known about temperaments back then, she would have known Turner was born to need people around him. She could have had twenty children and never filled Turner’s need for companionship. She had not thought of putting him in day school until after his sister, Gwennie, was born. Then the youngest came along, another boy whom his brother and sister called Ramsey, after a story that had been read to them in Sunday school. Saphora never told them the difference between Ramsey and Ramses. But the name had suited him the minute he opened his eyes—blue, never to turn another color. Saphora read baby books and went to a parenting class at a church, where they tried to rook her into membership. Confidence in mothering came too late. But finally the three of her children were in school and then they were grown. Turner married a girl from New York. She took him away from his Lake Norman nest and then sent him back. He was a charmer but not a good provider, and girls these days are smart to catch on. Turner kept his boy, Eddie, on weekends and summers. He called his boy Eddie because his ex named him Schuyler Eduardo Warren even with Turner at her side laughing and telling her she could not possibly mean it. She was not Latino. All of the Warrens debated the middle name privately. Saphora’s sister, Emerald, said it was probably an oldlover named Eduardo. But Emerald was prone to gossip out of turn. Gwennie was an attorney who never married. Ramsey married a girl who kept him working long hours at a job anyone could do. Ramsey’s first child, Liam, had the temperament to either blow up a building someday or else research incurable diseases. He tortured his brothers, twin boys, until they came running to Saphora, calling her Nana, a name Ramsey’s wife, Celeste, selected when Saphora couldn’t accept any of the pet names for Grandmother. As Bender continued down the pass-through that led into the living room, Saphora was thinking about her children back when they were young and under her control. It was strange, as if the house had locked away the echoes of them running through the house calling out to each other, only to let them out at that instant. Bender took the upholstered chair that faced away from the bookcases. He looked awkward in the chair, and that is when Saphora realized he had never sat down in that chair until now. “You should have seen the Southern Living people, treating us like we were all Hollywood celebrities, snapping pictures of Sherry’s food. I didn’t let on that I was nervous.” She figured Vicki Jaunice might have noticed her anxiety when Saphora inadvertently dipped her shrimp into Vicki’s sauce. That was when, for the first time, she decided Vicki had slept with Bender, the same as Bernie Mae Milton and Pansy Fulton. Vicki had gotten her start in business when Saphora recommended Vicki’s cosmetics business to all her friends. The home-based business had ballooned into a sizable basement office with six staff members. She should never have let Vicki get a foot in the door withher friends. Bender opened a Red Stripe with one twist of the cap, without looking at it or her. “Abigail says our house photographs like a castle. Isn’t that good?” she asked. “She’s the SL journalist.” Had she told him that already? Bender could not settle comfortably into the chair. He had put on the weight he often did in the winter but would take it off as soon as he could get active again in the summer. “I’ve never noticed so many books in this room,” he said. “I should give some to the library. But they are, after all, our books.” Saphora kept books from as far back as second grade. She could look at one spine and it was like a time machine, like the blue book titled The Last Affair given to her by a boy who kissed her outside the boys’ locker room. He had never asked her for a date. But he kissed her and then handed her the book. Whenever he passed her in the hallway, he winked at her. “Have you noticed a change in me, say, over the past month?” he asked. “You’ve gained weight, but then you take it off as you please,” she said. He could gain weight, and women still thought of him as good-looking. “I can hardly take the stairs. Then, dizzy spells. You haven’t noticed me complaining of headaches?” He had a controlled tone, normally, but his voice tensed. His long, manicured fingers lay on top of his stomach accusingly. “And nausea.” He took a pair of eyeglassesfrom a case in the table drawer and carefully pushed them up his nose. Then he got up and, running his finger down a shelf of medical books, pulled three from the bookcase. He placed them on the end table and then sat back down in the chair. A faint moan came out of Bender such as she had never heard before. “Maybe you are taking the stairs more slowly,” she said. His expectations of her were often passed off like a quiz. There were curious other seasons of Bender, as she privately called them, where he went on self-assessment tangents. When he did, he swept her and the kids into the assessments too, over their weight; whether or not she had kept Turner, Gwennie, and Ramsey sweating long enough over a tennis game; or improving their math skills. Lately he had focused solely on improving Turner, a relief to Saphora as it took the pressure off her to perform according to Bender’s tightly regimented life. “It just seems you would notice.” “Tell me what it is I should notice, then, and I’ll try,” she said, her voice strained, like piano strings stretched too far. “That I’m dying,” he said, so quietly that a flock of birds outside the window nearly drowned him out. “Bender, it’s a mistake,” she said, knowing how he worried himself into illnesses privy to doctors. She quietly assessed the books beside him on the table, volumes she had saved from his first year at Duke med school. He ran his finger over the surfaces. Soft particles rose up in the glare of the lamp. “Tabitha should dust more often.” “I’ll tell her,” Saphora said quietly. “I’ve gone to two different doctors.” “Bender, your health is important to you. It’s not like you let yourself go like some people. You know yourself how technicians make mistakes. It was just last week one of your patients got read the wrong x-ray report.” A doctor wrongly told a woman she had a tumor right behind her nasal cavity. “You’re fine.” His hands curled over the ends of the chair arm so tightly that it seemed his fingers might go clean through the upholstery. “Saphora, you’re not listening.” Bender had said before that she was not a good listener. She was feeling her oats still, what with her suitcase waiting upstairs. “I can’t stand it when you’re like this.” “It’s cancer, of all things.” “I’m not listening to any of this.” He told her, “You’ll have to call the kids.” He pulled out a pad from the table drawer and the pen from his pocket. “I’m going to see Jim Pennington at Duke. He’s the one to do this.” “Yes, of course.” Jim had been Bender’s best friend in med school. They actually met playing on the same soccer team. They remained friends over the years, occasionally socializing with the wives involved. “You’re making a list?” she asked. Bender’s list making aggravated her only less than his flittering around with the Peninsula wives. “I’ll put the house up for sale,” he said, “if you’d like. I can’t imagine you knocking about in this place all by yourself.” He kept scribbling, as if he were writing out a prescription. “Sell the house?” she asked, feeling as if the ground beneath her shifted. It was like him to run back and forth, sneaking off for medical testing without telling her. But here he was making major decisions when the air in her ears was near to exploding. She wanted to yell at him. But she sat quietly. She was a good wife—that’s what he had told a group of his men friends just last week. The doctors played cards out on the back deck Friday nights. She could hear how the conversation went from golf to a botched surgery by a doctor not from their circle. She had taken a swim and come back so she missed what got them talking about wives. But she had let his compliment slide off her as she was already entertaining the idea of running away. “Gwen has the best head on her shoulders. Maybe she should tell her brothers.” She was the first girl in her class to pass the bar. Gwennie took her father’s pressures on her in stride. Better than Saphora. “I’ve been knocking about in this house by myself since we moved into it,” she said, but he was busy working on the list. “You’re jumping ahead of things, Bender. What is it you say all the time? Don’t make decisions if you’re too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.” Her emotions were beginning to tear away, though. She hated showing tears in front of him. He considered her weak when she did. “Saphora, stop crying,” he said. She pulled open the door on the mahogany commode, where she kept the tissues. “I want to die in Oriental.” He took a medical journal into his lap. “If I have to die.” “Bender, the hospital is too far from there. Stop acting as if you’re already dying.” He was making her so mad she felt the urge to walk out on him. But she stayed in her chair as if he had tied her into it with ropes. “There’s hospice. And Duke is not that far. I’d like to leave in the morning. It’s only three hours.” “It’s over three hours, Bender, and that’s a long drive.” He went on as though she hadn’t said a word. “Sherry can help out.” “For goodness’ sake, Bender! How soon?” “Six months. Six years. Doctors never really know those things. We guess.” “What about our friends? We’ll be so far out.” “We’ll have them up as I’m able.” Saphora got him a glass from the cabinet and poured the rest of his beer. “Call Sherry. She’ll get the house ready,” he told her. “I gave her time off. She worked herself to death for this party you insisted I give.” “Call her back. I need her there. Better yet, have her come here tonight.” It was the opportune moment Saphora had waited for ever since Bender had appeared so suddenly in the middle of the day. “I’ll call from upstairs. I need to compose myself.” She climbed the stairs, swept away by the urge to run for her suitcase and bolt for the door. The luggage was where she left it, behind the upper-landing balustrade. She wheeled it back into the bedroom. A tag from Nantes still dangled like a loose earring from the handle. She had gone to France two years ago, taking Gwennie to Europe for passing the bar. Bender had stayed behind in Lake Norman even after Gwennie had lost her temper with him for never joining them on a single vacation. She stowed the luggage, still packed for Oriental, in the storage cubicle of her dressing room. She pulled up Sherry’s telephone number in her BlackBerry. She scrolled past Gwennie’s number, and then there were Ramsey’s and Turner’s numbers sandwiching Sherry’s. Turner’s next nursing shift would be starting come dinnertime. He took any shift to fill up the hours away from his son and the ex-wife who said she loved him but could not stay married to a man with Turner’s low ambitions. Gwennie would be the first to call her back. Saphora scrolled back up and called her daughter. She heard the forceful little recorded voice answering mechanically as if she needed to place the thought in the caller’s head that she meant business. Saphora left a message to call her and then added, “This is rather serious, Gwen.” Then she hung up and wondered if she had said too little by saying “rather serious.” Gwennie would surely understand why she had not spilled out over the phone that her daddy was dying. Saphora did not want to call Sherry after giving her the rest of Tuesday and also Wednesday off. Bender surely did not mean that he wanted to leave the next morning for Oriental. Her Oriental. She walked out of the dressing room, stopping just short of the bedroom. Bender was pulling back the pale blue matelassé coverlet she and Gwennie had picked up in Nantes. He dropped his trousers over the footboard and slid under the coverlet. When he closed his eyes, he said, “When Sherry gets here, have her come upstairs. She can make my calls.” “Sherry’s not home.” “Call her cell phone, Saphora. For Pete’s sake, think!” “Bender, she’s gone off with her husband.” She didn’t tell him they were bowling but left it mysteriously unsaid. He’d not think bowling important enough. But she didn’t want Sherry here tonight in the middle of their shock. “Rest yourself.” Saphora walked into the bathroom, wounded by Bender’s suggestion that she could not think on her own. Her telephone rang. It was Gwennie. It rang thrice and then switched to her answering service. Bender yelled, “Who was that?” Saphora closed the bathroom door. She sat on the closed toilet lid. She pulled paper from the toilet roll, wiping her eyes. She could hear Abigail mysteriously talking as if she were circling again overhead. “You must be the envy of all your friends.” She said through a sob, “Envy’s an expensive piece of real estate.” From the Trade Paperback edition.Excerpted from The Pirate Queen by Patricia Hickman Copyright © 2010 by Patricia Hickman. Excerpted by permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

The Christmas Note by Donna VanLiere

2011-10-25T16:30:00.002-05:00

The Christmas Note is a story about two neighbors that seem to have nothing in common. One is a military mother that is raising her two kids alone. The other is a single woman that seems to want to stay to herself. Due to a tragedy and needing to inform the single woman that her mother has passed away, they become great friends and even more. There are a few unexpected twists and turns in this book that added an excitement to the book. I have read the other books in the series and love Donna's writing. I would strongly recommend this book to others and am going to pass it on to the friend that recommended her series to me!

I received this book for free from Booksneeze.com in exchange for an honest review.

When will I learn?

2011-10-18T16:47:00.001-05:00

We are dealing with a tragedy in our family. My brother has stage IV pancreatic cancer that has spread to his brain. He was released from jail in June and me and my immediate family moved 296 miles away in July. We got the news mid September about the cancer. We've been trying to make up for the 3.5 years we missed while he was incarcerated and now the doctors are saying he might have 6 months to live. I have dealt with a wide range of emotions since he's told me the news. The one that keeps coming back is anger. As I was reading Andy Stanley's book Enemies of the Heart, I read that anger means you feel like someone owes you something. I have found myself thinking that God owes me more time with my brother. How foolish is that thinking, after God gave His only son for me? How silly am I to think that He owes me anything?

Everyone is feeling stressed and short on patience, I'm sure. My stepdad has always been very hard to get along with, but I have been trying very hard to keep the peace and be nice to not upset my brother. I think he has more than enough on his plate. My stepdad picked on & berated my son every chance the he got when we weren't around. He made snide comments about what he was eating and just made him miserable. But he would do it when my husband and I were not around. He is very friendly with my girls, but bullies my son. I am embarrassed to admit that I let my flesh get in the way and was outright rude to him with my body language z. We left with unsaid words and he is now lashing out at me with his statuses on Facebook.

The lesson I've learned, is to try harder to keep the peace. To pray to see him as Jesus sees him and treat him like he is Jesus. I cannot change him, but I can do my best to not make things worse. He is Jesus' child, after all.

Enemies of the Heart by Andy Stanley

2011-10-17T00:07:00.001-05:00

I have to admit, the title of this book and the cover grabbed my attention. I have never heard of Andy Stanley. Andy talks about the 4 main enemies of the heart. Guilt, anger, greed and jealousy can eat away at your heart until you are a bitter person. Ever since I got the news that my little brother is fighting cancer, I have been angry. I have given in and have been allowing anger to rule a lot of areas in my life. This book has given me hope that I can overcome anger with God's help. I would highly recommend this book. I found myself struggling in a few areas, not only anger.

I received this book free from Waterbrook Multnomah in exchange for an honest review.

Extraordinary by John Bevere

2011-10-04T20:21:00.001-05:00

The description of this book starts with "Do you desire more hope, joy, intimacy, or power in your relationship with God? With Bevere's convincing biblical insights, you'll learn to live your life marked by extraordinary accomplishments---the way Jesus intended."

I don't know about you, but those words pulled me in. A lot of days I feel like I am just going through the motions and not living life to the fullest, the way Jesus intends for us to do. The words of this book came at a time that I really needed comfort and insight to going to Heaven. It was the perfect timing for me. I would recommend this book to anyone that is looking for an encouraging and uplifting message.

I received this book for free from Waterbrook Multnomah in exchange for an honest review.

Thank You, God, For Loving Me by Max Lucado

2011-10-04T16:05:00.004-05:00

The book description says: Little Hermie and the baby bug garden friends teach little ones about God’s love for them.

God loves all of His creatures. Little Hermie explores all of the ways God loves him and his friends in this sweet board book with glitter on the cover.

We received this book in the mail today, thanks to Booksneeze and we could not wait to read it together! I love Hermie! My girls do, too. It has beautiful illustrations. The whole book is bright and has gorgeous colors. It kept my one year old and three year old's attention. The short rhymes are really cute!

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone with young kids! I received this book for free from Booksneeze in exchange for an honest review.

One Call Away by Brenda Warner

2011-09-28T10:13:00.002-05:00

The book description states: Brenda’s life has taken twists and turns that are stranger than fiction. It always seemed as if she was just one phone call away from the next explosive change. Each time her plans fell apart, she had a choice: would she give up, or would she press forward and learn from the unexpected? One Call Away is the inspiring story of a woman who has prevailed through many of the circumstances that discourage women: tragedy, poverty, betrayal, and humiliation. But unlike most women, her life has been on display in the media.

Brenda’s faith and God’s strength enable her to face challenge after challenge: an accident that leaves her son blind and brain damaged, a crumbling marriage, a tornado that kills her parents, a new relationship with promising football player Kurt Warner, and the pressures his sudden success brings to their growing family.

Through food stamps and funerals, Super Bowls and serving others, Brenda’s strength is unwavering. Her determination to dream new dreams, willingness to learn from her mistakes, and commitment to giving back to her community make her a role model for women of all backgrounds.

Her dreams haven’t materialized as she had imagined, but Brenda has found that God has a much bigger plan for her. Conversational and candid, One Call Away invites readers facing their own difficulties to trust God and discover hope in the future.

It sounded like a wonderful read and I couldn't wait to download this book. Knowing that Brenda Warner has been sharing at the Women of Faith conferences had me really excited to read her book. The book is very conversational and I am really not a fan of conversational style writing. There were definitely some highlights and it was very encouraging to read about things God has done in her life. Overall, I was not thrilled with the book, though. I had a hard time making myself read it. I don't think I could recommend this book to friends.

I received this book for free from Booksneeze.com in exchange for an honest review.

The Baker's Wife by Erin Healy...

2011-09-18T23:20:00.004-05:00

The book description says: If what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, why is Audrey growing weaker by the day?

When her husband Geoff, a pastor, lost his job after a scandal rocked their congregation, Audrey's never lost faith.

They decide to resurrect a failing bakery as a way to heal family wounds and restore their place in the community.

Running late to the bakery one foggy morning, Audrey strikes a vehicle. Emerging from her car into the fog, she discovers she hit a motor scooter. But there’s no rider in sight. Just blood.

The absence of the driver is a mystery, especially to Sergeant Jack Mansfield, the detective and church member responsible for firing Geoff from his pulpit. The scooter belongs to Jack’s wife, Julie, a teacher at the local high school, who has vanished…like morning fog.

Though there is no evidence to support Jack’s growing suspicion that Audrey and Geoff were involved in Julie’s disappearance, the detective is convinced of their guilt. When he takes the tiny bakery and its patron’s hostage, Audrey must unravel the secret of Julie’s disappearance and her own mysterious suffering before Jack hits his breaking point.

I don't know about you, but that description was plenty to draw me in! This book was captivating. I did not want to put it down! I could relate to Audrey with the uncertainty of starting over, because my family and I are starting over in a new city right now. I also found myself relating with Jack and Julie's daughter. I got the impression that Jack was very tough raising his daughter. He reminded me very much of my stepdad. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not! The book was absolutely wonderful, though. It was very well written. I think it's a book that I would love to read again one day. I would highly recommend this book to anyone that loves suspence!

This book was provided for free by Booksneeze, a division of Thomas Nelson in exchange for an honest review.

Hermie, A Common Caterpillar by Max Lucado

2011-09-15T23:02:00.003-05:00

I requested Hermie, A Common Caterpillar from Booksneeze to read to my 3 year old daughter. It is a story about a caterpillar that keeps telling God that he is common. He sees all of these other animals: a strong ant, snail carrying his house, a lady bug with beautiful spots and cannot understand why he is so plain and common. He keeps asking God and God keeps telling him to hold on, He is not done with him, yet. It is a beautiful story. At the end of the book, Hermie gets very sleepy and turns into a beautiful butterfly. Then, he understood why God said He wasn't done with him, yet. It is a very touching story. I know there are times that I wonder what my purpose is and I can hear God saying, Hold on, I'm not done, yet. I loved how the story lined up with some of my feelings of being plain and common. The illustrations were beautiful! My 3 year old put the book in a special place and could not wait for her Daddy to get home to show it to him!

I would highly recommend this book to anyone with children! I received this book free from Booksneeze, in exchange for an honest review. These thoughts are my own.

Stained Glass Hearts by Patsy Clairmont

2011-09-06T23:09:00.003-05:00

Two years ago, I had the pleasure of hearing Patsy Clairmont speak at a Women of Faith event in Shreveport, Louisiana. It was the first and only Women of Faith event I have attended. Patsy was an absolute joy to listen to and kept us laughing and crying the entire time she was on the stage. She's one of those people that you'd love to put in your pocket and keep with you at all times, because she eminates joy! I absolutely loved her. I have never had the chance to read one of her books until now. I downloaded Stained Glass Hearts from Booksneeze and snuck away to read it every spare minute I could find. The entire book is so real and authentic. I felt like I'd made a new friend when I closed the book. When I got to the last chapter, I was actually sad. I wanted to read more about Patsy's life. You can see God working in every area of her life and it is a beautiful story. I really was not a fan of the chapter on poetry, but I loved every other chapter of the book.

Near the end of the book she talks about how change is transitional, even if it's your dream come true. She states "Weed out regret. Once you make your decision to plow a certain field (new job, home, school, etc.), don't second-guess yourself. You will only stir up yellow jackets of insecurity. Keep tabs on what's buzzing around in your mind. Shoo off thoughts that keep you negative and sad. Deliberately life your pansy face heavenward.". I cannot tell you how much I needed those words right now, this very minute. God was using Patsy to speak to me and I love it! I would highly recommend this book to friends and family. It is a wonderful read, full of great Biblical insight!

I received this book for free from www.booksneeze.com with the agreement that I would read it and review it. All of the opinions about this book are my own.

Stumbling Into Grace

2011-08-21T23:20:00.003-05:00

I picked this particular book to read for two reasons and only two reasons. I love the cover! Who could look at this sweet little girl and not want to open the book? And because Lisa Harper is a Women of Faith porch pal and I LOVE the women of faith! I have never read one of Lisa's books, but I can guarantee after reading this book that I will look for more by her! The book was very conversational and funny. It almost felt like she was sitting right in front of you at the coffee shop, telling you her life story and giving you scripture to inspire you along your journey. I really felt like she's one of those people that will tell you like it is. I don't know if you have a person like that in your life, but if you don't, you need to find one! They are a huge blessing and invaluable!

The description of the book says: Humorous yet poignant stories from Lisa's life help readers relate to spiritual truths found in the life and ministry of Christ.

Stumbling Into Grace is the diary-devotional of one woman's honest, ongoing, bumbling journey of faith and how she finds encouragement through a deeper understanding of Christ's time on earth. Within each chapter she alternates her often humorous memoir with stirring portraits of Jesus and his own encounters as recorded in the New Testament.

Both intimately relevant and refreshingly inspirational, this book will help readers to jettison the theological misconceptions, guilt, shame, and hypocrisy they struggle with, exchanging them for a vibrant, passionate relationship with Christ that results in a more abundant, joyful life.

I chose the ebook version and I really wish I had it in print, so I could pass it on to friends! I loved the questions at the end of each chapter. It would be easy to use this book for a ladies Bible study. I wanted to fill in the answers at the end of each chapter. The questions were wonderful! I would definitely recommend this book!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Review of A Place Called Blessing by John Trent with Annette Smith

2011-08-17T15:40:00.003-05:00

A Place Called Blessing by John Trent with Annette Smith is a captivating, emotional book. It is fiction, but I could relate to a lot of feelings of being unloved that the main character, Josh, faced. Josh's parents died in a car accident when he was little and he and his siblings were moved around from foster home to foster home. When they finally found a family that would take them together and were happier, a tragedy strikes and Josh was no longer wanted. It brought feelings of being unwanted to the surface, because I felt that way most of my preteen and teenage years. The book brought many tears, but it also helped heal some past hurts. The end of the book showed unconditional love and forgiveness. It was absolutely beautiful. I would definitely recommend this book to others. I did not want to put it down.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255

Settling in... One day at a time...

2011-08-02T23:38:00.002-05:00

This Thursday will be one month that we have lived in Texas. Today, it feels like we've been here a lot longer thsn that. We are settling in. We still have boxes to unpack, pictures to hang, a house to clean. We went back to Louisiana this past weekend, hoping to finish up cleaning out the house there & get it ready to go on the market. I thought we'd hold onto that house, just in case things didn't work out here & we needed to move back. But after being over here in Texas, I'm realizing I don't ever want to go back! I love the people, the neighborhood & our house. I really don't ever want to see the Louisiana house again. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I went through my darkest & ugliest depression season as an adult in that house. I never want to live there again. My mother in law blessed us while we were there by offering to do a few repairs & some minor updating to get the house ready to sell. She's hoping to get it listed for sale within the next two weeks. I hope so, too. The faster we can get that house off of our backs, the simpler life will be!

Don't Check Your Brains At the Door by Josh McDowell and Bob Hostetler

2011-07-17T18:00:00.003-05:00

This was my first experience reading a book by Josh McDowell. It was a quick and easy read. My almost 13 year old boy also read this book. I enjoyed the scripture references, but honestly thought the chapters were too short. I would read a chapter and think, that's it? The book really left me hungry for more. It was broken up really well into different categories: Myths About God, Myths About Jesus, Myths About the Bible, Myths About the Resurrection, Myths About Religion & Christianity and Myths About Life & Happiness. I loved the categories, but I really wish there had been more information. I thought my almost 13 year old would learn a lot by reading the book, but most of the information he had already been taught. I wish I could recommend this book to others, but I really wouldn't recommend it. I don't think I would read it a second time, either. I was ready to finish it about 30 pages into it.

I am thankful for the opportunity to review this book free of charge from Thomas Nelson! Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Daddy Dates by Greg Wright

2011-07-13T00:12:00.002-05:00

Daddy Dates by Greg Wright is a wonderful book for anyone(a mother or father) that wants to raise a strong, confident daughter. I was given the chance to read this book by Booksneeze and am so thankful for the opportunity! I laughed, I cried and I've tucked away a lot of helpful information about raising girls. We have 3 daughters, so I think the information will come in handy! The book was written really well, almost like Greg was sitting across from you at the coffee shop and was explaining what worked for him and his family. It is a book that I wish I could buy a copy for everyone of our friends that has daughters. I believe it could make a ton of difference in a young girls self esteem if fathers simply followed the principles in this book. He talks about spending time doing things that your daughters enjoy doing. He doesn't suggest simply quality time, but time doing an activity they enjoy and actually talking to them. I lost my Daddy when I was a preteen, but I had a wonderful relationship with him, because he took time to talk to me. We went on walks and talked and did things I wanted to do. It was not all about him. This book has really made me examine my parenting and I hope it helps me be a better parent.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that has a daughter, no matter if she's 1 or 21! This book was received from Thomas Nelson Press in exchange for an honest review. The opinions expressed are my own and have not been influenced in any way.

There's a stranger in my house...

2011-07-12T23:45:00.002-05:00

The lyrics to this song really don't fit, but the title explains a little about how I feel these days. We moved on July 3rd to the Dallas, TX area. The job change was somewhat sudden, but Ernie had been over here working for 2 months before we found a house that we fell in love with and made the big move. It's only a 5 hour drive, but it's still a HUGE change for our family. Ernie was born in our home city and I'd been there for most of my life and all of our family is there, so moving was pretty scary. So, we made the move. I love my house. I love the yard. I love the city. It's beautiful here and everything I need is within just a few minutes. We are in a suburb northeast of Dallas and I love it!!! Shopping is all a lot closer than it was at home in Louisiana. I really didn't expect that at all. I think we've already found a home church. I've found a ladies Bible study and tonight I found a Celebrate Recovery group. I think God has us exactly where He wants us, but I feel restless. I don't feel like me for some crazy reason. I look around my house and wonder why am I here? Everything feels very different. Maybe it's just because it's a big change. It's scary being in an area where I know no one. But at the same time I am excited about starting a new chapter in my life. Hopefully a chapter where I will figure out exactly who I am and what my gifts are. I would love to know where I am needed in this world. I know I'm needed as a wife and a mother, but outside of that, I'd love to find something that I excel at. I think getting out from under our family's guidance is really going to help us in the long run. I think I'm going to figure out exactly who I am over here. I feel so much more alive(when I'm not feeling totally overwhelmed) and so much happier over here. I'm not feeling suffocated and rejected, because the family members I love are either too in our business or pushing us away because we aren't doing what they think we are doing. We are slowly getting unpacked, one box at a time. The kids bedrooms and the living room look the best out of every room of the house, but the other rooms are coming along, when Elayna lets me put her down! She's started standing up holding on to the backs of my legs, which means I don't get much done because I can't move! All in all, I love this area. My kids love it here. We haven't met many people, yet, but they are loving the people that they have met. It's going to take some adjusting on my part, but I think we are going to be so much happier here on the whole, than we were in Louisiana!

How to Be God's Little Princess by Sheila Walsh

2011-04-15T23:28:00.002-05:00

I requested this book, intending to read it with my 10 year old and she could not wait for me to read it with her. She devoured the book in a day or two and had answered most of the quizzes in the book. If you have ever had any questions about etiquette, manners, poise, modesty, friendships, etc., then this is a great book to read! I loved that there was scripture tied into the book. It is very encouraging and a wonderful book. I found it very fitting for my 10 year old. Even with the book being pink and Princess in the title, I do think it is very appropriate for older girls. How to Be God's Little Princess sparked a lot of conversation between my daughter and me and I loved it! I wish I had had a book like this to read when I was her age. I think it would have kept me out of a lot of awkward situations. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone with 9, 10 or 11 year old daughters.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

My goals for the 100 Day Chip Quest

2011-03-23T17:09:00.002-05:00

There is a group I follow on Twitter, started by Brad Gansberg. It is full of supportive people that are trying to better themselves. They are all very encouraging and motivating! There is a 7 Day Chip and a 30 Day Chip where you decide what you are going to work on for 7 or 30 days. I have tried to earn a chip by not binge eating. Today, they are starting a 100 Day Chip Quest. I need something that will really challenge me and I think this is the perfect thing! It will go through June 30th. I need it for accountability and love the support and encouragement this group brings!

These are my goals for the next 100 Days:

1. Drink at least 100oz of water every day. Some days this is a piece of cake. Some days it's a struggle to drink 8oz.

2. No cokes of any kind. I cut out regular coke in January, but now it's time to cut out the occasional diet coke. I will still drink some tea. I love my tea!

3. Track every single thing I eat and drink. I am really struggling with tracking every bite. If it's something I shouldn't eat, I don't want to track it!

4. Exercise at least 5 days per week. Whether it's a class, walking the track or strength training, I want some activity at least 5 days per week. One of those days must fall on the weekend. I am not going to take two rest days in a row.

5. Read the Bible and do a devotion every single day. Dig deep and really open up in my step study and not fear what others might think about me. I need to work on some issues and it's a great safe place to work on them.

These are my goals. It's going to be a great 100 days, but I'm nervous at the same time. These things are challenging for me, but I should be able to handle them!

2011 is the year for challenges...

2011-03-02T14:36:00.002-06:00

So, I love challenges, but have not been looking for them for the past several years. I'd gotten lazy. I was letting life pass me by without getting in on the fun. That's going to stop! So far this year, I've joined a group at a friend's church that's called Fit in 8. It's an 8 week bootcamp type group. There are 4 instructors from various gyms, one of which happens to be the best Body Combat instructor I've ever seen, and they work us out. There is strength training, cardio and a little bit of yoga. It's been very interesting so far! We are half way through the challenge and I'm really starting to dread seeing it end. I struggled with going yesterday. I had a major attitude problem yesterday and struggled with everything! I was so glad I got out and did it, though. I had a great time and I felt so much better afterwards. I haven't been getting enough sleep this week. It's messed up a lot of things! That was my first challenge I willingly joined this year, but it has pushed me to look for other challenges. For the month of March, I joined a group called Go the Distance. I pledged to walk 50 miles and strength train at least 3 days a week. That sounds fairly simple to me. Then yesterday, I came across a challenge to do 300 lunges a week for 3 months. I was a week late joining them, so I've got some catching up to do, but I'm going to catch up and succeed! I HATE, HATE, HATE lunges! I know they are so good for me, though!

This is a year to put forth some effort. To regain control over my eating and emotions. I read a tweet a few days ago that said so so effort yields so so results. That is why I haven't succeeded the last few times I've done weight watchers. I've been putting in so so effort. I had a bad habit of binging for two or three days and hoping that mostly eating good the other days of the week would give me a good weigh in. Well, it didn't happen. It might have worked occasionally, but not overall. I'm done with half hearted weight loss efforts. I am giving it my all.

I Ain't Settlin' For Just Getting By...

2011-02-28T23:52:00.002-06:00

I've had enough so-so
For the rest of my life
Tired of shooting too low
So raise the bar high
"Just enough," ain't enough this time
I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything

This song by Sugarland came on when I was driving yesterday and I think it could be my life song right now. I have been thinking about making some life changes, but then I talk myself out of it, because I'm scared of change. I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, but any time I would think about being scared of changing, I could hear him asking "How's that working for you?". I think that might have been a sign that it was time to change. I returned to Weight Watchers, because I know in the back of my mind that Weight Watchers works. I have been successful with it in the past. About 8 years ago, I lost 70lbs doing Weight Watchers in a little over 6 months. I got pregnant, lost the baby and found myself sinking back into depression and not caring about my health or working out once again. I have tried going back to Weight Watchers probably 4 or 5 times since then and have always given up. The time that I was successful, I had a good friend going with me that needed to lose fairly close to the same amount of weight and it became a competition. I am very competitive and love a challenge. In the end, I could not keep the weight off that time, though. I put it back on.

So, here I am again. What is different this time? I have no competition. I have no one to go to meetings with me. Our meetings are full of a lot of grandmotherly women. I have to stand in line 45 minutes to an hour to weigh in. But, the question is what is different. I had heard the click the first time. Obviously, I lost 70lbs. I was staying within my points & meeting friends at the gym. I was enjoying the process, but I was still eating a lot of junk. Better than before WW, but the goal was simply to eat less than 32 points a day. This time I am trying to focus on eating mostly fruits & veggies. I am trying to get more protein from beans & boiled eggs. I am eating a little meat & carbs, but not much. I am exercising, a lot. Some days I think I am obsessed with it.

What else is different? I am trying to work through & accept my past. Everyone has their inner demons & I am trying to acknowledge & let mine go. Comments made by my stepdad when I was growing up still rear their ugly head during my weak moments.

"You're wearing the largest size made(xl), what are you going to do when you outgrow it?"

"You can't have that coke, because you are fat."

"You are not allowed to drink coke, because you are overweight. We can drink it, because we do not have a weight problem."

"You will end up married to someone like him *pointing at a huge man that could barely walk*, because NO ONE else would ever love you."

"Are you really going to eat that?"

"Do you think you need that?"

My mom would tell me to ignore the comments. She would tell me I could have coke when I was out of the house. She bought coke & some foods for me and I hid them under my bed. I am not blaming my food & coke addiction & obesity on them. I cannot change the past, but I do have to work through it to be able to heal.

My Daddy, the parent that I felt like accepted me for who I really was, the one that I didn't feel like I had to earn his love, died unexpectedly when I was 13. He had epilepsy & had a seizure in his sleep & suffocated in his pillow. I will never forget the previous weekend. I asked him if I could move in with him. I was so miserable at home. He said yes & I was ecstatic. Then a couple of days later, I was sitting in first period & the overhead speaker came on asking me to come to the guidance counselor's office. I walked in her office and my mom was sitting there. She told me to sit down & then told me my Daddy had passed away in his sleep. I remember not understanding & asking if she said my Pappaw. She said no, my Dad. I remember sobbing & wishing it was my stepdad. My Daddy was such a great person. He loved people unconditionally. He didn't judge people. And I was left living with one of the most judgemental people I'd ever known. I remember standing at his coffin & holding his hands. I remember screaming & crying throughout the funeral. I remember wanting to die, because in my mind there was nobody else that loved me.

The next few years got worse. I hid in my room a lot. If my mom or stepdad were home, I stayed in my room. There were days I was scared to walk through the house if my stepdad was home, because I never knew what kind of mood he might be in. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd at school. I desperately wanted attention & wanted my mom to love me in a way I could see. She started taking me to "Tough Love" meetings, exposing me to way more than I'd seen in school. I guess someone suggested Tough Love. All I needed was a parent to show me unconditional love & that they wanted to spend time with me. All I wanted was love & acceptance. I started running to food to numb the pain. When my heart was constantly empty & breaking, food made me feel better for a little while.

Once the cycle started and I started gaining weight, I started hiding behind the weight. I could be an introvert. When you are overweight, there are people that completely over look you. They act like you don't exist at all. If friends stop talking to you or no longer want to do things with you, you can always blame it on the weight. I can tell myself that maybe they were embarrassed about my size. That's much easier to swallow than maybe they just don't like me. It's easy to eat and not care about what you are eating and to sit behind a computer screen for hours and not be active. But, after 14 years of that, it's not working for me any more. There are days that I don't like myself. There are days that I have no energy. I am done with that. I am tired of not taking care of myself. I am tired of not putting myself first.

So, this February has been life changing for me. I have decided once and for all that there are no more excuses. There will always be some excuse, if you are not ready to do the work. That's how I got here. Excuses, excuses, excuses. How's that working for me? It's gotten me almost 100lbs overweight. That is no longer working for me. I want to be free. I want to run. I want to enjoy life. I want to love myself. I do not love myself at this weight. I really don't. I'm starting to turn that around. This month, I have dropped 11 pounds. I am not sure how many inches, because I just decided to measure yesterday. I have dropped one pants size. I have completely given up coke. For someone drinking 3-6 cokes a day, that's a huge step. I have given up most sugar and most carbs. The craving for most of those is completely gone. That's God. It's not me. I've tried many times to give up cokes and carbs and have been a failure. I'm reading Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and it is rocking my socks off. I am participating in a Fit in 8 weeks challenge at a friend's church. It has been a huge blessing. It is fun to learn about how God does not want us to be overweight and sluggish. That is convicting. Knowing that eating the way I have eaten for years is a sin, is very convicting. We are not supposed to look to food for comfort. I have always done that. That is why I am the size I am! I have no doubts that with God's help, this will be a successful journey for me.

The Shelter of God's Promises by Sheila Walsh

2011-02-16T09:50:00.003-06:00

This is the first book by Sheila Walsh that I have ever read. It was very inspirational, very uplifting. After reading the first couple of pages, I wanted to go out and buy ALL of her books! Sheila says, "In these uncertain times, I know 100 percent that I can stake my life on the unshakeable, unchanging promises of God!". I know this already, but that statement is one that you can never read too many times. Chapter Five is titled Love. That one chapter was enough to change my life. The subtitle is I don't believe that anyone could really love me. I struggled with that thought growing up. I felt so unloved, unwanted and unaccepted growing up and during my teenage years, especially. There were many, many times I considered overdosing to end my life, because I was so miserable and felt like no one would care if I was no longer around. I now recognize those as lies, but at that time, I thought they were truths. This one chapter was worth buying the book to read. Sheila Walsh is a wonderful storyteller. She adds in a lot of scripture. I love that. The book really seemed very inspirational to me, but also like a Bible study. I think it is a book that I will hold onto and read several times, especially when I am fighting the blues! I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that is looking for an inspirational and encouraging book.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Truth of the Matter by Andrew Klavan

2011-01-07T10:42:00.002-06:00

Truth of the Matter by Andrew Klavan is the 3rd book in the Homelanders series. I have not read the previous two books in the series and was worried about how well I would be able to follow along. The book caught my attention and held it the whole time. It was very suspenseful and had me wondering what was going to happen to Charlie West(the main character). I thought this book was going to be the final book in the series, but there is one more coming. I am really looking forward to book number 4 to see what happens to Charlie and his family.

From the back cover of the book "Ever since he woke up in a terrorist torture chamber - with a year of his life erased from his mind - Charlie West has been on the run. He has one desperate hope of getting his life back: track down the mysterious agent named Waterman. But in fact, reaching Waterman - and recovering the secrets lost in his own memory - will only increase his danger. Because a team of ruthless killers is rapidly closing in on him, determined to stop him from finding the answers. And the truth of the matter is more incredible... and more deadly... than he could ever imagine."

The book explores his relationship with his parents and friends in his flashbacks. It talks about regrets and faith. It was encouraging because it talks about pushing yourself when you don't think you have anything left in you. Andrew Klavan is targeting teenagers with this series, but I think if you look deeper into the words, you would see that it could definitely apply to adults also. I loved this book and would definitely recommend it to friends. My son talked me into requesting this book, because he had read books one and two and he loved it.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the Booksneeze book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Shutterfly's 2010 Holiday Card collection

2010-11-18T23:03:00.006-06:00

Am I the last person in the blogosphere to realize that Shutterfly carries holiday cards? I knew that they printed photos and had stationary, but I had no idea they have holiday cards! I came across a link on another blog and decided to look and see what Shutterfly offers. They have many, many cards from which to choose. I really feel like I’ve missed out over the years by not ordering cards from Shutterfly. There are so many designs and they are very reasonably priced. I plan on ordering this Christmas card for my family this year. I love the colors and simplicity of it. With life being really crazy and busy with our newest addition this year, I am loving simplicity! They have photo Christmas cards. The cool gray is my favorite photo Christmas card. They also have many birthday card invitations This is a super cute birthday invitation! Shutterfly also has many different invitations for any occasion! I love this simple holiday invitation. Shutterfly is a wonderful place to order any of your stationary or picture needs!

The Gratitude Project Days 17 & 18

2010-11-18T22:30:00.002-06:00

This week I am very thankful for good doctors and medical insurance. I am thankful that we have doctors that will fit us in when we are sick or in pain. I am also thakful we have insurance & don't have to pay full price for visits and prescriptions. Ernie's trying to pass a kidney stone and had to go to the urologist yesterday for an xray. For a little while, we didn't know if he'd be coming home or if he'd be admitted into the hospital. When he called me at co-op and said I'd have to come pick him up because they were about to give him an iv to keep him from getting sick due to the pain, I was worried. I didn't know what to expect when I got there. The nurse decided to give him a shot and not an iv. When he got up to leave, I thought he was going to pass out. The nurse was helping him to the door to leave and he nearly passed out. She had me grab an office chair for him to sit in and called the doctor to see if he needed to go to the hospital. We left with orders to call the office on the way to the hospital, if he decided he needed to go and the doctor would admit him. I have never seen him in so much pain. I did more praying than I've done in a long time. For him and for me! Ha! Then last night Bella started coughing a ton and ended up vomitting because of mucus. When it rains, it pours! She started running fever today, so we went to our favorite pediatrician. She's got an upper respiratory infection again. She's had enough of them this fall! Every weather change seems to make her sick. Dr. Stanley said it's supposed to warm up again this weekend and then cool off again. Maybe since she'll already be on medicine, it won't get worse. He's trying her on a cough syrup with codeine this time. She's never been on that before. So far, she's not coughing much at all. I don't think she'll be able to take it during the day, though. It knocked her out in about 15 minutes and when she did wake up, she was so out of it. She's got to get well and Ernie does, too! We're having a big Thanksgiving meal at our house Saturday!

Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller

2010-11-18T20:46:00.002-06:00

This book encourages you to examine your life and what it really means to be a Christian. He talks about how christianity should be a relationship and not a formula.

A lot of people I follow on Twitter have read a couple of books by Donald Miller and have loved them. There was so much expectation when I ordered this book. I could not wait to read it when it arrived. I love reading Donald Miller's blog posts from time to time and there were high expectations. I was very disappointed. I had to force myself to read every page of this book. It was a fight until the end. I just could not "get" this book. I think if I was to listen to it and not read it, I might be able to understand it better. I have never read a book that was written the way Donald Miller writes. I am sure if I could get past the fact that it is very different, I might be able to enjoy it. I wish I could say I loved it. I really do, but I cannot honestly say I did. If a friend asked if I'd recommend it, I would probably suggest checking it out of the library before buying the book.

I received this book free from Booksneeze as part of their book review bloggers program. I did not have to submit a positive review. The opinions expressed here are my own. Thanks Thomas Nelson!

Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson

2010-11-18T20:08:00.003-06:00

Anne Jackson posted a question on her blog "What is one thing you feel you can't say in the church?". Tons of responses are included in this book. It is full of confessions, art and Anne's story.

She speaks about her fight with depression. I had a hard time reading this book, because the fight with depression hit a little close to home. I have fought with depresion off and on for years. When she started talking about depression, I had to sit the book down for a little while. It was so good for me to read something so transparent. By the time I got to the end of the book, I felt like I had sat down with a cup of coffee and listened to Anne tell her story. I felt like I knew her. The art and the answers people shared were nice, but it was Anne's story that made the book for me. The book felt so honest and real. You could almost sense Anne's pain when she talks about the hurts she has been through. Reading this book made me feel like no secret is too horrible or too shameless to confess. I am glad I read this book and I imagine I will read it again one day. I need some time to digest it first. I would recommend this book to any of my friends. If you want to read a book that is real, open & honest, this book would be a great choice. It is a very challenging read that makes you examine your life.

I received this book free from the publisher through the Booksneeze book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

The Gratitude Project - Day 16

2010-11-16T23:48:00.002-06:00

I'm blogging two days in a row! Can you believe it?! On day 16, the night before we go to our homeschool co-op for the last day of the fall semester, I am so very grateful for a group of homeschool families that get together once a week for some classes. When we seriously started considering homeschooling, I knew that I needed to meet and be around other homeschoolers. I knew that if I was going to be successful homeschooling our children, I needed to know some people that are going through the same things in life. I found a local homeschool group and they have been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I am extremely thankful for them. I am thankful that we have the opportunity to meet once a week for 10 weeks in the fall and 10 weeks in the spring. I am thankful that we are surrounded by such loving, amazing people. People that I probably would have never met if we weren't on this homeschooling journey together. These are people I laugh with, cry with, pray with and enjoy this thing called life together. To have people that when I say "I am going to pull my hair out! or I don't know why I am doing this homeschooling thing." and for them to truly understand what I am saying is definitely something I am very grateful to have. I love it when I can post on facebook "What am I thinking homeschooling two children with a toddler and newborn?" and have almost an immediate response from someone who has literally been there and knows exactly what I'm feeling. These people are gifts. Each and every one of them. I cannot express how thankful I am for them and for the relationships our kids have formed with the kids in our group. All I can think is that my Father must really love me to put these people into our life.

Days 5-15 of The Gratitude Project

2010-11-16T00:09:00.003-06:00

So, I really stink at updating my blog daily or even weekly. I try! But even though my intentions are good, it just doesn't happen.

So, days 5-15. 10 things or people I am grateful for. Yes, I ended that sentence in a preposition.

Alrighty, number 5 is my Daddy. He was a wonderful man that taught me to always look for the good in people. He taught me to not judge people. He taught me that spending time with your loved ones playing and just enjoying them is something you should do. He always, always, always put me first. He showed me unconditional love. I lost him when I was 13, but I am forever grateful that I had those years with him.

Number 6 is Ernie's Dad. He was my 2nd Daddy. He loved his family more than almost anyone I've ever known. His wife, kids and grandkids were his life. He accepted me and loved me like I was his daughter, not a daughter in law. We lost him last year, but he will forever live in our hearts.

Number 7 is Ernie's grandmother. That woman taught me so much about life. We lost her last year and I would give anything to have her back, just for one more hug. She was amazing.

Number 8 is my grandparents. I was blessed to have great grandparents. They are no longer with me, but they loved me and prayed for me and my brother and cousins.

Number 9 is my church. We made a move this year and started going to another church. I loved our old church when we left, but felt like God was telling us it was no longer where He wanted us. We have found a place that we believe is right where He wants us. Feeling at home every time we step in those doors is such a great thing.

Number 10 is our Pastor. Having a Pastor I respect is such a good thing. Knowing that every message is going to be one that God uses to speak to me in some area of my life is something I am definitely thankful for.

The 11th thing or person in which I am thankful is our worship band. They are so talented and giving of their time and talents to make sure that every worship experience is a great one. I love anticipating feeling the Holy Spirit every single worship service.

Number 12 is our wonderful kids ministry team. I love knowing that my kids are having a great time in kids church every week. I love knowing they are making friends and that they are going to ask to be involved with these kids outside of church. I love that these people truly want to be involved with the kids and aren't just doing it to keep the kids out of the church service. It is a huge blessing to many parents and for that I am truly grateful.

Number 13 are our youth pastors. They are so very involved in our preteen and all of the other preteens and teens in our church. They are great influences for them. They take extra time, not just once a week, but many other times of the month to invest in these kids lives. It is so wonderful to see. God is really moving and changing lives.

Number 14 is hot tea. This weather change we're having down here in the south has my throat hurting and hot tea has been such a blessing this week. I love my ginger peach tea.

Number 15 is rain. We have not had much rain at all lately, at least not until the past week or two. I am really enjoying the dreariness of it right now, since I can stay home and not be out in it. I've really enjoyed listening to it tonight.

For these things I am truly grateful. Each and every one of them are gifts from my Father, who loves to give gifts to those who love Him.

The Graditude Project Day 4!

2010-11-04T16:04:00.002-05:00

Today I am grateful for my Mom. She is such a wonderful, good hearted person. She would give the shirt off of her back to someone, if she knew they needed it. We have not always had the best relationship, but I believe that sometimes we need rocky patches to make us appreciate someone more. She was a single mom for about 6-7 years of my life. Now that I am a mom, I cannot imagine how hard that must have been. I am so grateful that in spite of it all, she put my brother and me above her needs and made sure we were always cared for. I do not know of a single time in my life that my needs failed to be met. She is always looking for ways to help other people. She is such a great person. Being raised by such a wonderful person has helped mold me into the person I am today. I am thankful my Father chose to give me to my mother to raise here on earth. I am thankful for the family He placed me in. I am thankful for the wonderful grandmother my Mom is to my kids.

The Gratitude Project Days 2 & 3

2010-11-03T20:52:00.002-05:00

I should have done day 2 yesterday, but y'all, I am a slacker. I really, really am. I do not know where yesterday went. Anyway!

The next thing(or person, as it may be) I am thankful for is my husband. This man is one of the best men that has ever entered my life. He is the best man for me. I am so thankful that God picked him out for me. I cannot imagine my Father caring about me so much that He would pick out the perfect soulmate for me and place him in my path, but He does care that much for me. Ernie and I married 14 years ago and it has been the happiest 14 years of my life. It has not always been perfect or easy, but I am so grateful for each and every day I have with this man. He loves me and the kids so much and I believe the love he shows me helps me to be a better person. I am very thankful for the lessons he has taught me just by loving me. There are times I am most definitely unlovable and he chooses to love me anyway. That commandment Love your neighbor as yourself?, yeah, this man does it. I am so thankful we are raising these children together. He is a wonderful husband, daddy & friend. I am so very blessed.

The third thing(or people) I am thankful for are my 4 children. I am so thankful that God picked me to be their mother. They are so much fun and such a joy. I am so thankful to spend every day with them. I am so thankful for the privilege of learning with them every day. I am so thankful to be guiding them along their journey in life. I am amazed and so grateful that I get to be their earthly mother. I am thankful that my kids enjoy being with me, their daddy and each other.

The Gratitude Project

2010-11-01T14:13:00.002-05:00

My friend posted a challenge on her blog to make November a month of being intentionally thankful. She started with a beautiful post.

I also want to start this month of gratitude with thanking my Heavenly Father. I am so thankful He created me. I am thankful that He guides and directs every step I make. I am thankful that He knows every thought I have and everything I am going to do and say and loves me anyway. How reassuring it is to know that no matter what I do or say, He loves me anyway. I am thankful for His grace that covers every mistake I make. I am thankful that every trial I face must first pass through His hands. I am thankful that Jesus Christ is the one thing that will always be a constant in my life. I am thankful that the relationship I have with Him is the one thing that I absolutely cannot mess up. I am thankful He chose to bless me with a wonderful man to be my helpmeet and four fantastic children. I am thankful He created them to live with me on this side of Heaven.

Our worship leader said yesterday that we serve a "motion sensitive" God. He took the first step by loving us first, but He's waiting on us now. I am thankful I serve a God that is there to meet me and all I have to do is reach out for Him. I am thankful I serve a God that meets all of our needs. I am thankful I live in a country where we can freely and openly worship our Creator. I am thankful I do not have to worry, because He is watching over us constantly. I am thankful He directs us and speaks to us when we listen. I am thankful we have so much more to look forward to than just this world. I am thankful He is making a place for us in Heaven where there will be no tears and no heartache. I am thankful He cares about the little things in our lives. I am thankful I belong to someone and am loved unconditionally. I am thankful He created us to need relationship and placed people in our lives to meet the need of relationship. I am thankful He directed us to a wonderful faith family that is helping us grow and is challenging our thinking.

All I can do is say thank you, Father. Thank you for first loving us. Thank you for giving us an instruction book to live by. Thank you for placing such wonderful and loving people in our lives.

Babywearing

2010-10-03T23:17:00.003-05:00

My absolute favorite baby item is my sling. I have used it for my last two children and think it was the best money I ever spent. I very rarely use a stroller. It's so much more convenient to have the baby on me. I love that I have my hands free and know the baby is secure. With all of the talk about slings being recalled, I thought twice about using my sling with this baby, but I think in the sling is one of the safest places she could be!

Check out Adventures in Babywearing to see more babies in slings!

The sweetest baby!

2010-10-03T23:07:00.002-05:00

Elayna Mae joined our family on September 10th, her Daddy's birthday. She is the sweetest baby! The 4th labor and delivery was by far my easiest. I had some serious stomach issues(nervous stomach) during labor, but other than that, it was great. If you've ever considered a doula for labor and delivery, I cannot recommend it enough! Thanks to my doula, I went completely pain medicine free!

Elayna is so snuggly & cuddly and I hate putting her down! She is a wonderful blessing. We are so thankful for her!

It's baby time!

2010-09-10T09:18:00.002-05:00

I went to the OB yesterday for my 37 week check and was finally told after 5 weeks of contractions that I am full term and baby could come at any time! I went home and drank my first cup of red raspberry leaf tea then decided to go walking yesterday evening. I only made it one lap around the mall before giving up. One lap was enough to wear me out and the restroom was blocked off, not the greatest thing when I'm going all of the time! Hubby's birthday is today, so I prayed last night to please let the baby come today, but only if she's ready. I got up this morning at 4:00 to go pee and gushed fluid. I thought maybe I peed on myself, but the fluid kept coming. We're at the hospital now and just waiting for the contractions to pick up and to meet our new baby girl!

Ch... Ch... Ch... Changes!

2010-06-24T09:58:00.002-05:00

For someone with a fear of change, I think I've finally realized I will not embrace and welcome change until staying the same is more painful than making changes. What was that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Yeah, I might've done that a time or two and not been willing to try something new. I am starting a part time job today, that will hopefully turn into a huge blessing for our family. After one week in the office training and observing how it's done, I will be able to do the work at home. A huge plus for a mom that believes being home with my kids is where I'm supposed to be. At 26 weeks pregnant with baby number 4, this job seems like the answer to prayer! I'm believing Jeremiah 29:11. I'm excited about contributing to the finances again. Having some adult interaction will be nice, too. That is the one thing I miss about working. So, this week and next week will be all about change. A good thing!

Review of Plan B by Pete Wilson

2010-05-03T15:10:00.003-05:00

When I requested Plan B by Pete Wilson from Booksneeze, I had no idea the rough time we have been going through in life is a plan b situation. I read the first two chapters online while waiting for the book and cried through most of it. Luckily, once I received the book, I had gotten through some of the hardest examples(in my opinion). Plan B offers several examples of what a plan b situation might look like. It offers hope and scripture to help you get through your plan b situations. Pete offers encouragement that there is often a rainbow at the end of trials and suffering. He doesn't promise a rainbow, but the encouragement that there often is one was enough to give me hope. Pete points out several situations in the Bible where people are going through a plan b. I love reading books that have scripture to back up what they are saying. He points out that there is nowhere in the Bible that says God will not give us more than we can handle. I was taught that growing up and have been really learning this year that those thoughts are simply not true. God might give us more than we can handle so we have no other option than to give up complete control to Him. I loved reading those words from another pastor. I would definitely recommend this book to others. My 11 year old is currently reading it and really enjoying it.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Friendship for Grown-Ups by Lisa Whelchel

2010-04-28T16:14:00.002-05:00

I went to my first Women of Faith conference this past weekend with a group of ladies from a local church. I only knew two people that were going and I wasn't very close friends with either one. I would classify them both as friends, but they weren't the type of friend that I would call out of the blue if I really needed help. Lisa Whelchel was there Friday night and I was really looking forward to listening to her speak. Several of my friends have read her book Creative Correction and a couple of others. I waited until I returned from the conference to open the book, because I knew I didn't have time to finish it before going and I wanted to hear her speak first. Lisa Whelchel is a new author for me and I was a worried about opening this book. I never imagined I would fly through it and sob like a baby while reading. From the first paragraph of the book, I did not want to put it down. Lisa's way of writing was very vulnerable and honest. I cried as I thought, I could write these exact same words. Of course, my writing would not be as beautiful and poignant as Lisa's were. This book is full of stories of situations that happened in Lisa's life with different relationships. There is scripture to back up a lot of what Lisa is saying. This book validated some feelings I have had after friendships ended. The book explained safe people and how we all need them. I realized that I have not always been a safe person and that several people I have considered safe people really are not at all safe. There was so much wisdom in this book, but at the same time it was an easy read. It felt like she was sitting across the table talking to me. I would recommend this book to others.

Per FTC guidelines: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their Booksneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.

Easter... after reading the Bible in 90 Days...

2010-04-05T10:16:00.004-05:00

I was very nervous about Easter this year with Ernie's grandmother and Dad both gone for the 1st time. Ernie's family got together at his grandmother's house and I knew it was going to be full of memories. I will admit, I got a little stressed. I honestly just wanted Easter to be over, but I didn't want to get up Easter morning with that kind of attitude, because it is such a precious day. The three days before Easter were crazy busy with egg hunts with friends. They were so much fun, but I went into Easter exhausted. It was so sweet to treasure the time we had with Ernie's family Sunday. Stinky and Willie Mae not being there reminded me that we never know how long we have with anyone. I am thankful we had this Easter with them.

The peace that has overflowed since finishing reading the Bible a couple of weeks ago has been such a blessing. Just thinking that the Lord would help me complete reading the Bible and during the time that I wanted to complete the Bible makes me think that there are so many other things He would help me with, if I would just ask and pray about it. I have no doubt that that peace helped me get through this Easter. That peace helped me focus on how much better of a day Stinky and Mae must have had in Heaven than we had here on Earth. I know every day is a celebration in Heaven, but can you imagine how awesome Easter must be up there? I bet it was their best Easter, ever! I focused on that instead of being sad that they were not with us this year.

A rough day...

2010-03-18T14:20:00.003-05:00

One of the things I have learned to accept is that not all days are flowers and sunshine! I sure wish they were, but they just aren't. My oldest had a stomachache last night and woke us up right before puking all over the living room floor and kitchen floor. Our kitchen has indoor/outdoor carpet and that might have to come up real soon. No matter how much we've cleaned it, it still stinks, BAD! He's still not feeling well, but thankfully I have Zofran on hand to fight morning sickness and after taking half of one, he's no longer getting sick.

I've been putting off buying a clothes hamper in my bathroom. We usually just throw our dirty clothes in one pile and move them to the laundry room the next day to wash. Well, my cat showed me that's not acceptable today by pooping in the pile of clothes!!!

At least I feel good today! That's a positive thing! I started Revelation this morning! I think I have about 14 chapters until I have finished reading the Bible all the way through! It's definitely been a God thing and not a me thing. There have been so many times that I have wanted to give up reading. There were many books that were very hard to press on through in the Old Testament, but God helped me stick with it!

Day 74 of Bible in 90 Days...

2010-03-15T16:11:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe we are already at day 74! We entered the New Testament last week and now that I am there, I am not wanting to put my Bible down! I think I'm 4 days ahead right now. Once I see that I am really close to finishing something, I really like to finish! Finishing has never been something I excel in, so I am very excited. In less than 2 weeks, I will have read the Bible from cover to cover. I am trying to decide what to do after that. I might try a Beth Moore Bible study. I want to get more in depth and to understand things better.

Oh When the Saints... Go Marching In...

2010-02-07T23:30:00.002-06:00

What a game tonight! The level of excitement all weekend long was contagious! We got together with some family tonight and yelled and shouted til we were almost hoarse. Bella was even yelling Go, Go, Go!!! Good family times, good food, being able to talk about a secret... it was a great evening! I am so proud of the Saints, Drew Brees and Sean Payton. They are class acts!

Bible in 90 Days update

2010-01-24T23:53:00.002-06:00

I cannot believe I have not updated since I started committed to reading the Bible from cover to cover in 90 days. According to the schedule, we are on day 24. I have read through day 26. Two weeks ago I was 5 days behind in the reading. In order to read the Bible all the way through in 90 days, you must read 12 pages per day. Ernie had to work late one night and I spent 4 hours reading and catching up after the kids went to bed. I was planning on only reading 3 days worth, because the plan gives you two grace days. It's only 88 actual daily readings. I couldn't stand the idea of not having those extra two days later in the reading and possibly needing them. After I got caught up, the books started seeming more and more interesting. I am now at a place where I could sit for hours and really enjoy and soak in what I'm reading. There have been many places I've had to go over a couple of times before understanding.

I have heard many times that it takes 21 days to form a habit, so I'm hoping that the habit is formed now. I love my Bible and my reading time. I am excited when I look at the end of my Bible and see that the bookmark is about 1/4 of the way through the Bible. God is doing some mighty things during this time I have with his Word. I feel my heart softening and letting go of issues I might not otherwise let go of. I love the discussions it's led to between Ernie and me. I am finding myself feeling more compassionate and more friendly towards others. I am finding myself feeling more thankful for all of the little things in life that we have... the comforts and conveniences that we have now. I am feeling like my heart is ready to trust other people and form new friendships.

So far, 2010 has been leaps and bounds better than 2009!

Bible in 90 Days...

2009-12-31T16:24:00.003-06:00

Several of the ladies I follow on Twitter have been mentioning the whole month of December that they are going to read the Bible in 90 days. I really enjoy reading tweets from these ladies, so the idea began to take root. I love a good challenge. This is a huge challenge. I have tried to follow the calendars to read the Bible in one year a couple of times and have not been successful with it. I have a hard time committing to do something for a whole year. I know in the grand scheme of things that a year is not a long time, but it feels like it is. 365 days vs. 90 days. I think I can handle committing to 90 days. One of my Christmas gifts was the actual Bible in 90 Days Bible. I need to make this challenge easier in any way I possibly can.

Amy over at Mom's Toolbox is leading an online group of women by encouraging them to read the Bible all the way through in 90 days. There will be some discussion once a week on twitter. I love that there are a group of women doing this together. I need the accountability, encouragement and support. If I'm going to be completely honest, I thrive off of competition and it will be a competition(at least in my mind) to get to the end. I want to be one of the ones to finish what I start with this for once. I want to be able to say I've read the entire Bible. We are planning on doing it as a family. I think our older children could benefit from reading it, also.

One of my goals for this year is to have a deeper walk with Christ. I know He's there and watching over me, but I long for more in my spiritual walk. I think reading the Bible all the way through from cover to cover will be a great start.

What I learned this week...

2009-12-09T00:38:00.003-06:00

Jo-Lynne over at Musings of a Housewife is having her weekly carnival. I finally decided to join in again. Since I tend to internalize my feelings, I really need to get them out somehow this week. There might be a lot of posting going on.

Watching my family hurt is breaking my heart. I'm hurting too, but seeing other people you love hurting is so hard. I have learned that we honestly never know what is going to happen to any of us. We've done the one month to live series at church and it truly opened my eyes to how important relationships are, but having a death close to us that was totally unexpected has shown me that no matter how much time you spend with someone, you're never prepared for them to leave.

I have learned that we tend to put too much priority on little things that honestly do not matter. I have learned that we need to focus more on relationships and not things and activities. It's so easy to get caught up in our own lives. We have spent a lot of time with Stinky this month and I am so thankful for that. We needed that time with him. I am so thankful for the kind of Daddy and Pappaw he was.

I have learned that Ernie's stepmom is very strong. I am worried about her, but she is hanging in there and is stronger than we all seem to be. I have learned that we need to take more pictures. Especially of those 2nd, 3rd and more kids. We were devastated to only find one picture of Annalee with her pappaw and none with Bella and him. I wish we had more, especially now that he is gone.

I have learned that true friends are priceless. The encouragement, support and prayers we have received have been unbelievable. The visitation was tonight and I learned just how many friends he had and how many people loved and respected him.

I have learned that when I don't know how I'm going to get through a situation, God is there to carry me. I have learned that when I am angry and want to scream and cry at God for allowing Stinky to leave us so suddenly, God is big and can take it.

I have learned that my Momma is an amazing woman and I love her so much. I have leaned on her strength this week and it has been so much help. I have learned that we need to tell people we love them. You never know when it might be the last time you see them. I have learned that you cannot take one day for granted.

Celebrating Mae...

2009-10-30T15:11:00.002-05:00

Ernie's dear, sweet, compassionate, nonjudgemental, loving grandmother went home to be with the Lord this morning. There are many, many more wonderful adjectives to describe her. She's been doing poorly for about 2 months. They called the family back in Tuesday this week. Ernie and the kids went to see her at the nursing home Tuesday evening. Ernie went back Wednesday evening. He was able to say goodbye and tell her he loved her. Bella and I were quarantined at home due to her having swine flu. I am so thankful to have had the past 15 years knowing her. She was such a huge blessing to us. She was always there for everyone, any time she was needed. Her family meant the world to her. When Ernie and I started dating when I was 15, she took me in just like I was her granddaughter. She was always so accepting and approving of other people. She was my grandmother by marriage, but she was definitely the best grandmother I ever had. She was such a giver. When Michael was a toddler, we spent many days at her house visiting. She would cook him purple hull peas every single time we went to visit. He used to say "Peas? Mae, cook me peas?". She loved her family like no one I've ever known. Our kids adored her. She is so missed already, but I know she's in a better place. She's in Heaven with her husband who's been gone 30 years and her son. Maybe she's already met the baby we lost almost 6 years ago.

Michael's gotten a little too big to share the recliner with her. :)

When all of our kids were little she would rub heads with them and call it "head sugars".

I know it's only goodbye for now, until we see her in Heaven again one day, but it hurts. She shares a birthday with Ernie and has always called him her little birthday present. Michael almost shared a birthday with them, he was born two days earlier. I have never known anyone that loves their family like Mae did. She deserves a lot of credit for the kind of woman and mother I have turned into. I would spend hours with her when Michael was a baby. We would pack up and go spend the day at her house. I was 19 and a new mom, with most of my old friends still in college, definitely not married with kids. She was always there just to hang out with or to share a meal together. She always had an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. She will never be forgotten.

Disney Day Six!

2009-10-08T15:54:00.002-05:00

Our last breakfast reservation was at Ohana at The Polynesian. I think we served the best breakfast for last! The food here was really good. Ernie and I loved the POG(Passion fruit, orange & guava) juice. The kids weren't huge fans. Service, food, characters, atmosphere and price were all great. I think this was our least expensive meal of the trip, out of all of the table service meals. I was happy to pay for this one out of pocket, which we had to do, because we had booked a couple of meals that required two table service tickets. Bella enjoyed Lilo and Stitch a little bit.

My kids look worn out!

Bella smiled a little bit at this meal.

Parading around the restaurant.

Stitch snuck up on Annalee.

Stitch playing with Michael.

Bella smiling a little bit at Lilo.

The Magic Kingdom getting ready to open!

Halloween decorations.

Splash Mountain!

It's a Small World... my least favorite ride! My knees were killing me from pushing against the bench in front of me the whole ride. It was cramped and I'm a short person!

More Halloween decorations!

We spent the afternoon at the resort then came back to MK for Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party. It was a blast and well worth the extra price, in my opinion!

Best Tooth Fairy costume I'd ever seen!

Waiting for the Boo To You parade.

Headless Horseman!

The lady beside me was going on and on about the pirates... I just don't see the attraction!

Candy station

Disney Day Five!

2009-10-05T23:52:00.002-05:00

Day 5 of our trip was hubby's birthday. His one request was that we sleep in, since it was one of the few days without a breakfast reservation. We slept til about 9, ate breakfast at the resort(one of the best breakfasts) then headed to Animal Kingdom.

We had the coolest driver on the safari ride. She was a lot of fun & corny as all get out.

We ended the day with supper at Hoop Dee Doo! It was definitely one of the highlights of the trip and a keeper! We will definitely go back there our next trip. The food was fantastic & entertainment was a barrel of fun!

Bella fell asleep on the boat ride over.

The kids waiting patiently for the doors to open.

Michael got called up to ring the dinner bell.

Everyone got moved forward to Tier 1 and 2.

That wrapped up day 5!

Disney Day Four!

2009-10-05T23:33:00.002-05:00

We went back to Epcot again for day 4. We sat around killing time while waiting for them to open the gate for those of us that scheduled an insanely early breakfast at Akershus in Norway.

I loved the fountain. Bella wasn't crazy about it.

A quick break tp re-tie shoes. Annalee looks thrilled to be up and about this early.

This was Annalee's favorite meal, because it was the only place we saw her favorite princess!

The food was decent at Akershus, but the service left much to be desired. It was the only Disney meal where the service was not even what I would call decent. The whole meal felt very rushed. Annalee still claims it was her favorite because of Ariel, though!

Monorail!

Ellen's Universe of Energy. I was skeptical of this ride, but we enjoyed it!

Trying to appease Bella while a worker checked to make sure the ride was ready to go.

Michael and Annalee playing a recycling game by Waste Management. They loved it.

These guys were pretty good!

Character Spot!

Mousegear... I loved this store!

Tired kids on the bus, headed back to the hotel.

Disney Day Three

2009-10-05T16:10:00.003-05:00

Our 3rd full day at Disney World was Michael's 11th birthday. We started our morning at Chef Mickey's. I think it was one of our least favorites for food, but the characters and entertainment were great!

My Bella was so tired! She was asleep until they took our picture when we got here.

My birthday boys got birthday cupcakes!

The birthday celebration! They know how to party at Chef Mickey's!

Then we went to Hollywood Studios. After the fact, I wished we had planned two days here. This is the back side of Tower of Terror. One of my favorite rides!

I think the boys really enjoyed this show. The girls and I sat outside and waited for them. It was too loud for them.

The High School Musical 3 show. We loved it!

Michael's birthday supper was at Rainforest Cafe. That was one of the best meals we had down there!

The kids posing outside of Design a Tee in Downtown Disney.

This was one of my favorite days of the trip. The pictures are bringing back lots of memories! I already want to go back again.

Disney Day Two!

2009-09-27T23:21:00.002-05:00

We started day two out bright and early at Epcot. We all had a great day at Epcot. We rode several rides and explore the countries a little bit.

We all loved seeing the big ball!

We all started out on Spaceship Earth. I had Bella on one knee and Annalee on the other, because her side of the seat was wet!

The kids enjoyed doing the Kim Possible mission.

I loved seeing a picture of them working together! I was outside with a sleeping toddler. I didn't realize there was a handicap accessible entrance(allowing me to bring the stroller in) until they were close to finished with the mission.

Bella was worn out!

Supper at The Garden Grill. We loved the characters here!

This Pluto was my favorite!

Pluto singing Happy Birthday with his hands.

That wrapped up Day Two!

Panama City Beach & Disney Day One

2009-09-15T23:07:00.003-05:00

We are finally home from vacation! It has been a long time since we've all gone on a vacation longer than a long weekend as a family, so we really did this one up big! We spent one night in Panama City Beach going and coming and 7 nights in Disney. We've only been back since Sunday night and I'm ready to go again! I'm not sure my family agrees, though. We are all still somewhat tired. We were very impressed with the condo we stayed in the first night in Panama City Beach, but on the return trip the condo left a little to be desired. They put us in a smaller room than we'd reserved, but they did correct that problem. I seriously doubt we'd stay there again.

Our view was awesome.

The beautiful pool.

Pineapple Willy's deck.

The kids had a good time swimming in the cold pool! I couldn't handle the chill.

Then Disney! The most magical place on Earth! I have never had a vacation I have enjoyed as much as this one. We stayed at Port Orleans Riverside and it was beautiful! We were in Alligator Bayou. We saw a bunny hopping across the sidewalk several evenings. I had a frog land on my foot while we were out walking after dark one night. There were lots of squirrels and cranes around. We loved it.

We started the morning of our first full day with breakfast at Cinderella's Royal Table in the castle. Ernie wanted to take the bus provided by Disney and I wanted to drive. It has been 12 years since I'd been there and I'd forgotten that you have to park way out and wait for a tram at Magic Kingdom. Our reservation was at 9:45 and we weren't ready to leave the resort until 9:00. A big mistake to wait that long to leave. Ernie insisted I go ask for directions, thank goodness! So, I went to the bell services and asked for directions, trying to get out of there in a hurry. One of the workers gave me a map and highlighted the route and said we could easily make it. Another worker looked at her and said "not today, she won't". My heart sunk. I didn't want to start the vacation by missing our first meal with the princesses! She said there was a triathlon going on and all of the main roads were closed. She sent me to the concierge for directions. After waiting in line, I finally got to a concierge and was told that our only hope was to ride the bus. She said that using the back roads and waiting for a tram would take a minimum of 1.5 hours. At this time it was 9:15. Just 30 minutes til our reservation. She said they would hold the table for 15 minutes. We finally made it to a bus and were on the way. My stomach was in knots and I just knew that we were going to miss it. We made it to Magic Kingdom at 10:10. I told the kids that we'd probably lost our table, but we were going to try to make it there and at least find out. We made it to the castle around 10:17 and they still had our table. That was seriously the worst part of the trip(other than the drive). We really enjoyed the breakfast and the atmosphere once everyone calmed down.

Bella loved the stars on the table.

Bella's plate. I loved that they brought her food!

Snow White and my sweet girls.

Michael even enjoyed this meal.

Bella wasn't too sure of Jasmine.

Our first ride.

The older two were thrilled to meet Mickey and Minnie. Bella, not so much!

That was it from day one! A day full of tons of memories.

I'm so excited!!!

2009-08-30T23:00:00.002-05:00

We're finally on the countdown to our family vacation! Only 5 more days and we'll be headed to Florida! We're staying one night on the beach, Disney for 7 nights, then one more night on the beach! The kids are so excited! I am so excited! I cannot wait to experience Disney with them! I'm just a little excited about eating at Cinderella's Royal Table in the castle, too!

Girl Scouts field trip!

2009-08-26T23:52:00.002-05:00

Our homeschool Girl Scouts troop had a field trip yesterday to Tummy Yummy Creations. The girls got to decorate two cookies each. A couple of the brothers decided to join in, because it looked and smelled like so much fun! I think all of the kids had an absolute blast!

Michael read while the girls decorated cookies.

Bella & Clark played in the play area.

Group picture

It was a very fun, laid back, relaxed atmosphere. I was happy they had some ooey gooey bars & kicken crackers!

Growing, maturing, living life to the fullest...

2009-08-21T15:07:00.003-05:00

This summer has been full of growth and learning to love who I am. Perfect? No. I am very far from it. Could I use improvement? Yes, I am definitely sure in some areas I could use a lot of work and improvement. I have struggled some with depression this summer. I am trying to figure out what triggers the sadness, anger and withdrawal from others. I have realized that it's times when I need people the most, I turn in to myself and try to avoid fellowship. I don't want others to see that I am down or depressed. I feel ashamed and like I am less of a person when I am feeling down.

A friend from church called this morning and called me out on a comment I made. Can I tell you how absolutely I am amazed by the things God does in our lives? I have struggled with this depression thing off and on for years. God has placed this family in our church(our lives) that understand and have been through the exact same things I have been through. We joined the same life group they were part of and all of us get along great. I have been praying for another couple to come along that Ernie and I both get along with. It's great and dandy to have other mom friends, but it's been a long time since we were really close to another family. He has dealt with clinical depression and doesn't just sympathize, but can honestly say "I've been there and am just a little farther down the road than you". Not only can he say he's been there and understands, but he says it's our job as the body of Christ to help other people that are struggling with things we have struggled with. I realized a few weeks ago that God doesn't give us depression, but He allows us to struggle with it, so that we can help others. It is through our struggles when we grow the most.

This new friendship and reading the book Boundaries has really opened my eyes. Boundaries talks a lot about having safe relationships where you can try out saying no and exercising boundaries, so that you'll be able to use them with other people. I have always thought my problem was being a people pleaser, but maybe it's more that I don't know how to use boundaries with other people. Maybe it's a little of both. I have always wanted everyone to like me. Many times in life I've done things I don't want to do in order to just be with the other person and keep harmony. Interesting stuff.

So, in this conversation this morning our friend told me that he believes that I have much more inside of me that I am stifling and not allowing to escape(my words, not his). I don't remember the exact words. He said that online I'm a totally different person than in person. Hmmm.

This song started playing in my head when he said that. I do believe that I am a lot more outgoing when I'm hiding behind a computer screen. Rejection from someone online is much easier to deal with than someone in person. Right after we got off of the phone I checked Twitter and this was one of the first tweets I read... "You have everything you need to live the life you desire, if you will take the actions necessary to fulfill your possibilities." - Ralph Marston. What a timely quote to read today. Perhaps God is trying to tell me something. I know I'm not living my life to the fullest. As I've listened to Family Church's messages about One Month to Live this week, I've realized that. I need to stop living in fear and embrace all of the wonderful possibilities that are out there!

Vacation Bible School

2009-08-03T00:37:00.004-05:00

After growing up in a home daycare and being bussed to many different churches every summer for VBS, the words are not some of my favorite words. Our church just started doing VBS last year and it's a growing process for us. We love having a church full of kids! For right now, we're only doing 3 evenings and it's plenty for us as a church. By the 3rd night I feel like I'm getting my groove, having a blast and wishing it was for a week! My kids loved it. My cousin's daughter was in town and went with us. It was great to be able to take a visitor with us. We wrapped up the week with supper at a friend's house. It was the perfect ending to a great week! We were pretty dead this weekend, but I think we both feel very content with life and how it's going right now.

Annalee and Claire

Bella was big enough to get right in the middle of everything this year!

Michael's group watching a service video & Mrs. Sandy holding Bella.

Amy & Dee Dee... the FUN art & craft teachers!

My favorite man & some of the other guys.

The audience was silly stringed Friday night! It was a blast.

The things we will do for free Chick-fil-a!

2009-07-11T00:41:00.002-05:00

Can I tell you how much we love this restaurant? When I was pregnant with Bella I could have eaten there 3 times a day and been happy. They have the absolute best customer service. A phone call or email complaint gets you free meals every time. Annalee asks every year when they have cow appreciation day if we can dress up and go get a free meal. I always say no, because who wants to spend more on making something to wear than you'd spend on the actual meal? I am trying very hard to say yes to a lot more things this summer, unless there is really a valid reason to say no. It gave Annalee and me something fun to do today and we got some cute pictures. Now we have a cow shirt and bandanas for future cow appreciation days!

The boa didn't work out too well. We chunked those because it was too hot and they were too itchy!

What I learned this week...

2009-07-07T15:51:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile since I've participated in Jo-Lynne's What I learned this week's carnival. I haven't blogged much this summer, either. I don't know where the time is going, but it feels like the summer is flying by! There have been a lot of lessons learned this summer so far. I love it. Some of them have been painful, but I'm trying to look at them as growing experiences. We could all stand to grow a little bit, right?

So, I'm just going to list the things I've learned in no random order. I'm not sure I could put them in order if I wanted to do so.

1. It takes two to make a thing go right... it takes two to make it out of sight... As I was watching The Proposal with some friends this weekend and listened to the lead characters sing this song, I was reminded that any kind of relationship takes two. There's only so much you can do to keep a relationship alive if you're the only one doing the work. I struggled for a long time letting go of an old friendship.

2. Sometimes we try to hold onto people the way we try to hold onto things. A good friend said "People can be clutter in one's life the same as junk. Sometimes they just need to go.". I try so hard to see the good in everyone. But there's only so long I can tell myself that maybe they are having a bad day, week, month.

3. Life is too short to surround myself with joy stealers, just for the sake of being a people pleaser.

4. It only took a few months into my 30s to realize I am who I am. Far from perfect, but I am me. I am finally so very happy to be me. I'm done trying to play the people pleaser and trying to keep everyone around me happy. It's quite a relief to have learned that lesson at 30 than 40, 50 or older. I believe in being transparent with close friends and not pretending everything's hunky dory when it's not. We all go through trials, so why pretend that we don't? Living my life in such a way that it pleases God and not caring whether or not it pleases other people sounds much more rewarding than trying to please people.

5. Life giving relationships are such a blessing and come at such unexpected times sometimes.

6. Planning a trip to Disney World can be so much fun and so exciting! I'm not really an advanced planner, but I'm having a blast planning this trip for the kids. I feel like a kid again! Trying to find themed ideas for the family to go in costume to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party has been such a blast!

What have you learned this week?

Summer Fun

2009-06-21T22:56:00.002-05:00

Michael and Annalee both had friends over this weekend for a sleepover and a day of play. I love it when the kids ask to have friends over to spend the night. It's so interesting to see the different personalities of their friends. It's a reminder of how different we all are!

I missed a lot of swimming pictures. It was impossible to hold a wet, wiggling toddler and a camera. I'm thankful the kids had this time together and seemed to enjoy each other's company! They spent part of the day out of the heat in Excalibur playing games. Bella rode in a car ride for the first time. It was a hoot watching her ride and sing along with the music. We are trying to slow down and just enjoy being and doing things together this summer. I am really enjoying it. I am enjoying the family time so much in fact that my plan for this next week is to "unplug". I will check email from my phone, but have no intentions of even turning on the laptop. No facebook, twitter or blogs. I haven't had the laptop off for a week since last summer when we went on vacation. I'm sure it's going to feel odd, but I have plenty to do around the house and need to be making memories with the kids and not sitting behind the laptop!

Another year, another recital...

2009-05-24T05:29:00.002-05:00

After a crazy busy week, Annalee had her recital last night. It is hard to enjoy the extra long civic center rehearsals while trying to entertain(chasing) a toddler, but the recital made it all worth it. Annalee's turning into such a great little dancer. She works so hard learning the dances and looks like she's having a great time when she's on the stage. Ballet is not her favorite, but it was never my favorite, either. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

Here's a quickly snapped picture on our way out the door. This was her jazz and tap costume. We loved it!

In the dressing room with Helayna before the recital. We have been blessed with some great friends from dancing that we might not have formed relationships with if not for the time in the studio. I found another workout buddy!

Ballet... I loved their ballet costume and loved that they danced to Proud to be an American this year.
Annalee, we are so proud of you for all of the hard work and discipline you have shown this year!

Fun in the sun

2009-05-17T22:46:00.002-05:00

We had a busy, but very fun afternoon at the park today with the kids, two of Michael's friends and some of our friends. The weather was nasty this morning, so I was worried we weren't going to be able to enjoy the afternoon at the park, but the weather turned out beautiful! Michael spent the night with some friends last night and had a great time. He wasn't ready for the weekend to end after going to church with them this morning and to eat lunch, so they came home with him. We went to the park for Jimmy and Timmy Snow's 30th birthday bash and let the kids play.

Annalee thought the cake was good enough to lick the plate clean!

Bella and Brody spent some time together this afternoon. I think they enjoyed each other's company!

I had to share a picture of Bella's first ball pit experience at The Jungle Gym, too! She enjoyed it as long as there weren't too many kids around.

It was such a great weekend with friends! I loved having Patrick and Carter over and hope it's the beginning of many weekends together for the boys. They were both some of the sweetest and most polite kids I have had the privilege of being around. It's usually hard when there are 3 boys or girls close to the same age to not have an odd man out, but they all played great together. I loved it! Sherri, thank you for letting the boys stay with us this afternoon. We really enjoyed the time together and hope to do it again very soon!

A day at the park

2009-05-11T15:35:00.003-05:00

Friday we met up with a couple of friends for a day at the park! It was hot, but the great company made up for the heat and humidity!

There was a group of kindergarteners on the playground that were interested in playing with the older boys. The boys weren't too impressed. They were very nice to the kids, though!

I think the girls had fun at the pond and walking a nature trail. I gave Annalee a little bit of space and let her go with the girls. My stomach was in knots the entire time, but she had a great time and loved having a little bit of freedom!

We had a squirrel checking things out. I think he could smell the chicken and waffle fries. He wasn't quite brave enough to come get a bite.

Bella kept stealing all of our cups. I gave up trying to keep them away from her! She loves coke, just like her Momma!

We had a fantastic day and hope to do it again very soon, before it gets miserably hot!

Homeschool Field Day

2009-05-11T15:18:00.003-05:00

Our homeschool organization did a field day for the elementary age students earlier this month. I remembered how much I disliked field day as a child and was a little concerned my kids wouldn't enjoy it, but they had a blast! Michael made two new friends. I don't think he cared much about the activities after finding boys to talk to that have some of the same interests as him.

Soccer kick

Water break

Lined up for the relay race

Egg Toss

The boys chatting while waiting for their turn to do the egg toss.

How blessed we are to be part of a homeschool organization! These families have been such a lifeline for us this year. Homeschooling has been a challenge, but I strongly believe I am where God wants me at this time in my life. Being able to have the kids at home learning with me is such a privilege.

Tuesdays Unwrapped

2009-04-21T23:35:00.002-05:00

Emily at Chatting at the Sky is doing a series of posts on celebrating the small things in life. I don't know about you, but I am usually so busy going from place to place and so focused on my to do list, that I usually don't take the time to notice the small things.

We had our monthly Moms Night Out with the homeschool group we are part of tonight. I am awful about finding a million different excuses for why I should not take time for me and spend a night with these moms. I love the company when I get there, but getting there is a hard thing for me. It's almost like going to the gym. I struggle with getting there, but once there I love it. We had a great time of food and fellowship. We even watched a short video "It's My Homeschool and I'll Cry if I Want To". That video had us all rolling. After it was over, one of the older moms asked to speak. She has children that are in college now and I love listening to her speak because I feel like she has so much knowledge. There are times along this journey that I have wondered if I am doing the right thing by homeschooling the kids. There are times I wonder if I am failing them. She told us tonight that she has wondered the same exact things. She has talked to her husband about it and he has told her to "examine the fruit". Those 3 words shook me to my core. There are times that I think maybe I am doing this for the wrong reasons and maybe I am going to ruin my kids. Those words reminded me how awesome my kids are. Those three words gave me so much validation. School is what could potentially ruin my children. I know it was killing Michael's quest for knowledge. That is the small thing that I am taking the time to celebrate today. The pleasure of being able to listen to a mom speak that has been in my shoes and was very successful homeschooling her children. That might be a small thing, but it has had a tremendous impact on my outlook.

Easter 2009

2009-04-20T13:48:00.002-05:00

Better late than never, right? We had a funfilled Easter weekend with family and friends.

I think the Easter Bunny enjoyed trying to take Michael down. He almost succeeded!

Bella kept an eye on the bunny at all times.

Couch to 5K Week 1 Run 1 of 3

2009-04-01T23:59:00.002-05:00

I have wanted to start jogging for awhile now, but have been chicken! I could come up with excuse after excuse why I shouldn't do it. I'm too big. My boobs are too big and will bounce too much. I will look funny. What if I fall? What if I sprain my ankle? What if my heart rate gets too high? What if I get so hot I get sick? I finally decided enough excuses. I would never know if I could run or not, if I didn't give it a try. A good friend of mine posted on Facebook that she was starting C25K to get back to running this spring after taking the winter off. I decided now was as good as a time as any to try to do it with her. We can inspire each other and hopefully provide some accountability for each other. After the 1st jogging session this afternoon, I so wanted to give up! But I knew if I didn't say anything about getting it done, Shannon would ask if I'd done it. I need that accountability! I need to know that I'll have to tell someone that I didn't do the workout, if asked. I did day one today and it was harder than I could have imagined. I had been telling myself that surely I can make it through 8 sessions of 60 seconds of jogging. It's only 60 seconds! How hard could that possibly be? HA! It was so hard that I didn't want to move after the 1st 60 seconds! I didn't want to take a single step, much less walk for 90 seconds then start up again! I hoped I would love it like I love the body combat class, but I didn't. My hope is that it will grow on me. I think as it gets a little easier and I'm not scared I'm going to fall flat on my face or on my butt, I'll be ok. The way I felt after I completed the session, I think, made up for the pain. When I left I was thinking that I didn't know how in the world I was going to make myself do it again on Friday. I feel differently now. I feel like I accomplished something. Yes, it was only 8 sessions of 60 seconds of jogging, but the idea of being able to run a 5K at the end of 9 weeks is an amazing feeling.

Stuff

2009-03-31T20:14:00.002-05:00

We are coming to the end of the co-op spring semester and I have to say I am soooooooooo happy about it! I know the kids love it and I do love it, too, but I am looking forward to the break! I am trying to decide what classes I want to co teach or teach or be a helper in. I did not realize when I signed the kids up in the fall that I could help in one of the older kids classes and take Bella with me. I thought she would have to be in the nursery with her age, so I chose to be in the nursery with her. I have realized that babies and toddlers might not be the age group I enjoy working with. We have two more weeks and we will be done til after Labor Day.

I had a great workout today with Ernie. It was so much fun to be at the gym and workout with weights together. The gym is filling up with our family and church members that might as well be family. It is such a joy to go work out with them!

I'm starting to think about homeschooling next year and what worked and didn't work for us this year. I do think I will be making some changes. I think it will be good for all of us. I think I am going to try to plan a lot more in advance for our school days. I think it will be an awesome year!

The older two kids started an exercise class for kids at the gym this afternoon. They both loved it. I loved that I can count it as PE and that they are getting more activity! They love the nursery worker that's at the gym in the afternoons, so I am thrilled about that. It's so much easier to leave them if they are happy waiting for me to get done.

I cannot believe it's been almost a month since I last posted on here! March was an extremely busy month for us. I will be very happy to see April roll in tomorrow!

Fun Lessons!

2009-03-03T22:34:00.003-06:00

I learned that I can survive Ernie and Michael going to a computer thing from 2PM-11PM Friday and 8AM-11PM Saturday without losing my mind. I so look forward to the weekends and having some help with this sweet, very active baby girl. I didn't have it this past weekend. I survived!

I learned that I'm not shielding my real self from others the way I thought I was to keep myself from getting hurt. I am finding myself opening up and trusting after swearing I would not do that again after having who I am attacked by the person I thought was my closest girlfriend. I was reminded this week that some people are only in your life for a season.

I learned that I am still having major issues saying no when someone invites me to something or asks me to do something. I thought I had learned to put myself first, but obviously I have not, yet.

I learned that I have absolutely no self control when Girl Scout cookies are around!

I learned that Annalee enjoys helping sort and get her cookies ready for delivery.

I learned that I cannot drink coke all weekend because I was stressed and eat Girl Scout cookies and expect to see the numbers go down or even stay the same on the scale. I was up 4 pounds this morning!!! NOT a good way to start my day! I burned 1200 calories at the gym this evening, though. Hopefully that'll be a start to getting them off!

Those were my biggies for the week. For more things learned this week, check out Musings of a Housewife.

Sweet Bella and Bullseye

2009-02-25T16:37:00.002-06:00

Bella loves the cat! He is so sweet with her and will be still and let her pet him til her heart's content. She was trying to pick him up yesterday. Considering they probably weigh close to the same weight, it was funny to watch!

We've had a pretty laid back week here this week. Michael has taken 3 sick days and skipped doing school work. It's the first sick days he's taken off this year, so I've tried to be laid back and not uptight about it. If he was going to school, I'm sure he would've missed much more than that from being sick. We took a break from co-op this week. The doctor told him to stay in and rest all week this week, so that's most of what we've been doing. Bella is walking all over the house this week. It is so fun to sit and watch her! I do think we are going to have to baby proof even more, though. The house has been baby proofed for a couple of years since I kept kids in the house, but I've never put latches on kitchen drawers. The cabinets are all latched, but she's trying to open drawers! Fun times! We are really enjoying her exploring.

What I learned this week...

2009-02-24T14:08:00.003-06:00

1.) Three doctor's visits in two weeks is NOT a good thing!

2.) It is miserable to have the flu and mono at the same time... ask Michael.

3.) It is hard to try to keep the other kids away from the sick one all of the time!

4.) Family is amazing, loving, kind, eager to help if I would just simply ask for what I need.

5.) Ernie is my rock when I am weary, anxious and even downright mean.

6.) I'm thinking I might need to research or find a book or cd or transcript or something where Joyce Meyer talks about approval addiction that Michele mentioned in a comment. I am thinking that fits me to a T.

7.) Midnight to 2AM when up with a wide awake, but happy baby, is a great time to do some deep thinking and self examination.

8.) It is possible to only sleep for 3 hours and get up and make it to Body Combat, even though I stumbled in 20 minutes late this morning!

9.) It doesn't kill me to go to the front of the room for Body Combat when all of the back spots are taken. Not too long ago, I would have looked in the window and settled for the treadmill instead of going into the class and working out in the front.

10.) Ernie mentioned I'm more self confident after I've been to the gym, so I guess it's not just the way I feel, he can see it. That alone is worth going whether I'm dropping weight quickly or not!

11.) Somethings(people) simply are not the way they appear.

This month has been packed full of lessons in my life. I'm praying March will be some easier, less serious lessons! To see what others have learned this week, check out the carnival at Musings of a Housewife!

Look Who's Walking!!!!

2009-02-21T21:20:00.002-06:00

Bella's been taking 2,3 or 4 steps here and there for several weeks now, but the past day or two she has been walking all over the place! She was just a little proud of herself here.

Look at those beautiful blue eyes!

I cannot tell you how happy I was to see these happy smiles today! After 9 very long days being sick & lots of tears, I missed this beautiful smile!

I'd love to know what she was thinking here.

"Hold me, Daddy!"

What I learned this week

2009-02-17T10:40:00.002-06:00

I learned that I am starting to crave exercise! That is a big one for me! I love the high afterwards, but I am really starting to want to go to the gym instead of dreading going until after I get there.

I learned that I really need to get the people pleaser need in me under control. I realized that I am doing a lot of things NOT because I want to, but because I feel like others want me to do them. I think maybe the reason I am so indecisive on a lot of things is because I try to think about what would make others happy instead of me. I know it's not supposed to be all about me, either, but surely there is some way to balance the two!

I learned that I can hang in Body Combat! I don't know why I was so scared of that class! I LOVE it!

I learned that my legs are much stronger than I realized. After a training session last week at the gym I was not sore at all. My upper body, on the other hand, is totally weak!

I learned that I NEED a new sports bra! I'm alright until we start doing jumping jacks or knee ups in class, but then I realized this new one is not confining enough! I don't know where to find one good enough!

I am learning that committing to a small group is really hard this session for some reason. I need and crave the socialization that comes with it, but after getting out of the habit while there was a break, I really don't want to get back into it. I felt the same way with our homeschool co-op after the fall break and have really been struggling to go every week. I don't want to be there and I'm afraid it shows! I don't want to go to a small group and have that mentality.

There are many more posts on what was learned this week over at Musings of a Housewife.

Bella boo's birthday party was a blast!

2009-02-08T23:02:00.003-06:00

Saturday we had some family and friends over for Bella's 1st birthday party. It was the first time I've had one of the kids parties at home. It was so much more work than I could have imagined! After it was said and done, I was thankful I didn't plan it around a mealtime and serve a meal! We only had snacks and cake and we were beat! Bella and the kids loved it, though, so it was worth it!

Annalee and Bailey were playing with her.

Chloe Grace playing with the ball popper. Isn't she beautiful? :)

My awesome little sister who is way taller than I am.

Mr. French Toast, Malcolm and Ethan chilling out.

The kids were in a trance watching Prince Caspian.

Chloe Grace enjoying a cracker.

Bella's birthday cake. It was the moistest and most delicious chocolate cake I have ever tasted. We definitely have a keeper with this recipe!

Bella took a minute to rest before eating her cake. She needed all of the energy she could muster!

Bella thought it was hilarious that everyone was singing Happy Birthday to her.

I think this picture speaks for itself. She was having a ball!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMM... yummy cake!

She looked like she was about to pass out after eating so much cake!

Amy and Chloe Grace. Chloe Grace is only 3 weeks younger than Bella and is such a sweet baby! We love spending time with her.

Bella loved opening her presents! She loved the bags and the tissue paper the most, I think! She even loved the cards.

Books are one of the best gifts ever! I hope Bella loves reading as much as the rest of us do.

Michael, Chloe Grace and Aunt Cheryle. Michael loves holding Chloe Grace. He says she's easier to hold onto than Bella!

The girls play really well together until they notice each other's pacifiers!

A sleepy Brody came to play, also! He is the sweetest and most laid back baby boy I know.

We were cleaning icing off of Bella's neck and behind her ears for the rest of the afternoon!
She had a great birthday party! We are so thankful for our family and friends that celebrated her first year with us!

Mrs. Amy is the awesomest!!!

2009-02-04T22:53:00.002-06:00

Look at my beautiful Princess! Mrs. Amy surprised us tonight with the perfect outfit for Bella to wear at her birthday party this weekend. She is so talented and has an eye for such cute outfits! I was worried the body suit wouldn't fit, but it did! It's a little snug, but Bella can wear it.

I didn't puff out the tutu yet, but you can get an idea of how precious it is!

Bella had a blast playing with the tutu!

I love the crown on the onesie!

The name on the booty is so sweet! There are cute little bows with rinestones on the sides, also. It is the sweetest onesie I've ever seen!

Amy, thank you!!! You are so talented!

What I learned this week

2009-02-03T09:31:00.002-06:00

1. Bella's personality is starting to show more of my traits. Being stubborn, strong willed and ornery is good in some situations, right? :)

2. Bella can stand up without holding on, but only when she has the desire.

3. Michael and Annalee have been amazing this past week with my mood swings, then watching Bella without complaining for hours while I was stuck in the bathroom.

4. I have an amazing husband. No matter the kind of day he had at work, he was always willing to cook or pick something up then take over with the kids as soon as he walked in the door when I was sick.

5. I learned this week that I don't always treat people as kindly as I should. Sometimes I say things without thinking or sometimes things come out wrong. Sometimes I need to say I'm sorry and thank you more often than I do.

6. I have learned that in some situations(ok, a lot of situations) I need to let go and let God have control.

7. I learned that even though I struggled with controlling a situation for years, I could not control it and God had it all together and planned out for my good.

8. I learned from a very wise woman that I need to obey my husband and be under his shield of protection in every aspect of my life. Wow. That was a big one to me. I need prayer in this area.

If you'd like to read more of What I learned this week posts, check out Musings of a Housewife.

Blessed

2009-02-01T19:33:00.002-06:00

Ernie surprised me yesterday with flowers, Fireproof and my absolute favorite candy just because he wanted to cheer me up and make me feel better. He definitely cheered me up! I love this man more than anything! He even offered to take all 3 kids to church this morning and let me rest. I was too stubborn to stay home and rest, but it was so sweet of him. Instead of being aggravated because I have not been carrying my load around the house the last few days, he's willing to do even more. He is so good to me.

Procrastinate a little?

2009-02-01T19:15:00.002-06:00

Bella's birthday was almost two weeks ago and I finally feel like I've gotten my act together on the party plans. I'm thankful Amy was out of town this weekend and I didn't do it this weekend as I was originally planning! I've been sick since Thursday and would have never had the house cleaned and would not have been able to enjoy the party. I managed to address the invites that we couldn't give out at church this morning. We found cute plates, cups and napkins today. I'm really excited! I love that her birthday is right before Valentine's Day. This year, at least, we will use the heart theme. After this year, she might have an opinion on what kind of theme she wants.

God is good! We found out yesterday that we sold our rent house at just the right time. There has been tons of plumbing issues with the carport, bathroom and some of the living room having to be jackhammered up and new pipes laid. God knew we could not handle that stress right now. It amazes me when we are shown that he had a better plan than we did.

After 22 short months

2009-01-28T20:25:00.002-06:00

of no monthly friend, I had forgotten how bad PMS can be. I'm glad today is over and am praying tomorrow is much better. Hopefully there will be less tears, less mood swings, less anger, less of me and more of God using me.

In Presidents' at co-op today, Michael wrote a letter to President Obama. This child we have been blessed with is so brilliant. It does not matter at all to him that Mr. Obama is not who we would have chosen to be president. He wrote with so much respect and kindness. It amazed me. We all respect and pray for him now that he is in office, but it was amazing to see that come from a 10 year old. We are so blessed to raise these children.

Annalee said she wants to learn to juggle, after watching a guest juggle at co-op this morning. He had a great message about juggling things in our lives and how God is usually the first thing to be dropped when we are juggling too much. That really spoke to me. God should be the most important thing in my life and it's easy at times to put off reading the Bible or going to church. I needed that reminder.

In Bella news, she took about 9 steps in a row this afternoon! She is getting more and more confident. I LOVE it!

Growing like a weed!

2009-01-27T16:12:00.002-06:00

I don't know about you, but I love well baby check ups! Bella had her 1 year appointment this morning. At birth she was 7lbs 12oz or was it 13oz? I don't remember! She was 21.5 inches long. At one year she is 23lbs 12oz and 31.5 inches long. I think my milk agrees with her! She was sweet with the doctor. She's not a huge fan of the nurse, but that's ok. I don't really like her either! So, we got the all clear to start on milk, which we've done and she really doesn't like it. I was reassured that it's fine if she doesn't drink milk, as long as she eats cheese or something with calcium pretty frequently. All in all, it was a great visit!

My kids are cooler than me!

2009-01-23T15:51:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning as I was mouthing the words to the songs and trying not to treadmill dance, I realized my kids are way cooler than I am! I have an mp3 player, but my music stinks! Some of the songs come on and I wonder why in the world I downloaded them! Michael and Annalee's ipods are a different story, though! I have to restrain myself from singing and treadmill dancing. I'd be awfully embarrassed if I tripped or fell off! They've added praise music and pop, just the right stuff to get me moving!!! :) What do you like to listen to when you are working out?

Bella turns 1!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-22T20:54:00.003-06:00

What a sweet, amazing blessing this little girl has been to us. I do not know where the time has gone. It feels like she was just born a month ago. She has been here with us for 12 months today. She has taught me patience, endurance, tolerance and the power of prayer. I have prayed for years, but the power of prayer was always missing. Or, I didn't think I could feel the power. I didn't feel the immediate peace that came from praying to get through the next hour, evening, day.

We'll have her own cake at her party, but for tonight she got a piece. She was checking it out!

MMMM! She was thinking about diving in mouth first, but she restrained herself!

Yummy cake face!

Oh yeah! Let's rub it all in my hair!

My sweet blue eyed girl!

Wave your hands in the air like you don't care!

Opening presents.

Just a sweet picture of my angel!

Playing with a new toy!

Bella decided since it was her birthday that she should at least take one step all alone. So, she took one step a couple of times today. She'd go to her knees after that one step, but one is better than none!

Menu plan Monday

2009-01-18T22:10:00.003-06:00

Monday: Cheesy baked potato soup

Tuesday: Taco bake and peas

Wednesday: Pulled pork sandwiches

Thursday: Spaghetti and green beans

Friday: Chicken enchiladas and peas

For more menu ideas visit I'm an Organizing Junkie.

I might say I'm not a morning person...

2009-01-16T09:29:00.002-06:00

But it is crazy how much I can get done if I get up early! It was a struggle to get out of my warm bed with the temperature in the low 20s this morning. I told Ernie to reset his alarm, that I wasn't going to the gym. Then I remembered what Michele said about exercising first thing on an empty stomach burns the most calories. With the scale not budging this week, I needed all the help I could get! So, I did get up and go at 5:30.

Bella started saying thank you this week! It is the sweetest thing. It sounded like she said kitty the other day when Bullseye was walking by. We've only heard that once, though. She's going to be 1 next week. I cannot believe she's been here almost a year!

Unexpected gifts

2009-01-15T20:52:00.002-06:00

My Mom came by at lunch yesterday with two collages of pictures of me and my brother with our Dad that I did not realize she still had. What an act of kindness that was to put those together for me. Daddy has been gone for half of my life this year. HALF of my life!!! It does not seem possible.

As we are fasting with our church family the next couple of weeks, Joel has asked us to read through the book of John, a chapter a day. As I was reading chapter 2 the other day, where it talks about Tearing down this temple it says

18-19 But the Jews were upset. They asked, "What credentials can you present to justify this?" Jesus answered, "Tear down this Temple and in three days I'll put it back together."
20-22 They were indignant: "It took forty-six years to build this Temple, and you're going to rebuild it in three days?" But Jesus was talking about his body as the Temple. Later, after he was raised from the dead, his disciples remembered he had said this. They then put two and two together and believed both what was written in Scripture and what Jesus had said.".

I realized while reading these verses that I have years of anger and bitterness in my heart towards my Daddy. My Dad had epilepsy. He had been on medication for as long as I could remember. Not long before he died, he told me that he was reading his Bible one morning and asked God to speak to him and show him what he wanted him to read. He opened up his Bible and read a verse telling him that he was healed. He believed he was healed and stopped taking his medication. He was looking into brain surgery, but refused to take any more medication. He did not believe the medicine was helping, because he was still having seizures. I have been so angry for years, because if he had taken his medication, he might be alive. I knew in the back of my mind that it was God's plan for him to die when he did, but it's easier to place blame than to accept the truth. Now I know that the verse might have meant that my Dad was going to be healed in heaven very soon and not here on earth.

Interesting things He is showing me right now. I'm learning that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want to be loved, doesn't mean they aren't loving you the best they can.