Tuesday, October 18, 2011

When will I learn?

We are dealing with a tragedy in our family. My brother has stage IV pancreatic cancer that has spread to his brain. He was released from jail in June and me and my immediate family moved 296 miles away in July. We got the news mid September about the cancer. We've been trying to make up for the 3.5 years we missed while he was incarcerated and now the doctors are saying he might have 6 months to live. I have dealt with a wide range of emotions since he's told me the news. The one that keeps coming back is anger. As I was reading Andy Stanley's book Enemies of the Heart, I read that anger means you feel like someone owes you something. I have found myself thinking that God owes me more time with my brother. How foolish is that thinking, after God gave His only son for me? How silly am I to think that He owes me anything?

Everyone is feeling stressed and short on patience, I'm sure. My stepdad has always been very hard to get along with, but I have been trying very hard to keep the peace and be nice to not upset my brother. I think he has more than enough on his plate. My stepdad picked on & berated my son every chance the he got when we weren't around. He made snide comments about what he was eating and just made him miserable. But he would do it when my husband and I were not around. He is very friendly with my girls, but bullies my son. I am embarrassed to admit that I let my flesh get in the way and was outright rude to him with my body language z. We left with unsaid words and he is now lashing out at me with his statuses on Facebook.

The lesson I've learned, is to try harder to keep the peace. To pray to see him as Jesus sees him and treat him like he is Jesus. I cannot change him, but I can do my best to not make things worse. He is Jesus' child, after all.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

I'm praying for all of you. You're in a tough spot, and emotions tend to run wild in those situations. Let me know if you need to talk. You know how to find me!